"Cheerbleeders" review

Cheerbleeders (2008)

Director: Peter Podgursky
Writer: Peter Podgursky

Chelsey Dailey... Kacee
Wyatt Fenner... Devon
K.C. Gleason... Cheerbleeder
Jennifer Hodel... Wendy
Mike Horton... Randy (as Mike Horton II)
Jake House... Andy
Jaclyn Lyons... Christie
Emily Pennington... Cheerbleeder
Peter Podgursky... Announcer
Monique Soltani... Herself
Laurel Vail... Penny

I was sent this DVD. The director wanted me to check out his USC thesis film. Being the responsible adult I am, I felt compelled to take an interest into what our young people are up to. Specifically, what are they teaching USC students about film these days? "Cheerbleeders" may have the answer.

I've never reviewed a short before, ("Cheerbleeders" runs about eleven minutes long), so I'm not entirely sure how to go about this. I know that people reading this are not going to be able to rent this film so my usual routine of giving a score on the movie is not going to count for much. But that never stopped me before so here goes.

The least popular girl in school brings an ancient urn to show and tell. The urn holds black sludge which can turn anyone who gets smothered with it into an immensely attractive person. Her geeky friend gets covered in the magic slime and goes mad with power as the cheerleaders throw themselves at him. This all leads to a blood orgy in which the cheerleaders tear apart the hated football team. Heads fly and blood gushes as the cheerbleeders run wild.

I found "Cheerbleeders" to be a pleasant way to spend 11 minutes. The friends I saw this with didn't quite feel the same as me. Since "Cheerbleeders" was obviously made to be a calling card for the director, (it has his phone number and email on the disk), I had to ask them what they thought of his future in the film business. There were the usual derogatory remarks such as, "No chance." and "It was like a Buffy episode without the good parts." and "It's amazing how those locations looks in no way like the USC campus." They were a tad negative on the young director's future.

But I think that's slightly unfair. As a horror fan, I can assure you that I've seen hundred times worse than this. What's interesting here is why you would make your thesis film a cheesy B-movie. There's one thing I know for sure. You don't have to go to college to make B-movies. "Cheerbleeders" shows its love for B-movie insanity and Sam Raimi in almost every scene. "Evil Dead" has probably inspired more horror fans to go to film school than any other horror film out there. But there was no Bruce Campbell in this one to take it over the top.

Overall, "Cheerbleeders" is a perfectly acceptable eleven minute flick. What do I see in the future for this USC grad? My only advice is this: Don't try to be another Sam Raimi, John Carpenter, Wes Craven or George Romero. We already have one of each and we don't need another. Oh, and be sure to have at least one scene of topless women kissing each other in your next movie. Guaranteed boffo box office. Well, maybe not but at least I'll like it.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 cheerbleedersGo Trojans, go.

Disassociative

I've been wanting to write a blog for a couple days now, but i have had some much shit swimming through my head that i can't exactly focus myself.
My up's and downs have been extreme lately and have consisted of mainly, me screaming at my boyfriend since I'm having a hard time understanding him and then when I'm not looking to fight about something stupid, me wanting to cry about how worthless i feel and how much i don't feel loved by anyone. There hasn't been much in between lately, well, i take that back, the times i am somewhat content seems very short lived before I'm freaking out about the next thing. I keep telling myself to "just let the simple things go, normal people don't obsess like this and the ones that do are medicated", which has me looking to restart taking some sort of anti-depressant, anti- anxiety, shit maybe even some bi-polar medication. I'm just fed up feeling like this. I'm starting to think if i just make myself into a zombie and not care about anything, it will be alot easier than being so stressed out over bullshit.

But that is gonna be my last attempt, and if nothing changes, I'm gonna leave NYC and move my ass into the sun. I mean this city has been sucking the life out of me, for sometime, but it been manageable, now with this new relationship, its once again become unbearable. Then i still live in the same building with my ex' to have his tricks by-accidentally come knocking at my door looking for him and whatever sex party he is throwing, its like i have had enough. I'm tired of this drama filled city. Yeah i know its the same almost everywhere, faggots = drama, i understand that, but at least it will be like starting fresh. I can leave NYC and leave all my baggage and hopefully start new where people, yeah i guess will still see me a trashy porn star, but at least i can build a reputation fighting against the stereotypes. I lost the battle here in NYC, maybe it can be different somewhere else, maybe i can be happy.
funny thought...

Bitter Again

So i apologize that my blog has taken a backseat to my relationship, but right now that's alot more important to me.

I have also begun to notice that the more i put out there the more these faggots will use against you and back stab you. Granted i have had alot more people approaching me lately about the blog and thanking me for putting it out there, telling me "thanks" for letting them know they're not alone, and trust me that makes it all worth it but then i get these leeches that use everything i say as an opportunity for there own selfish bullshit.
You know, its just not readers of this blog, i honestly believe it all faggots as a whole. Once you open yourself up to someone, thinking someone a friend, that when you find that they just are listening to you for there own selfish reasons. They don't care about you, they just care what they can get out of you.
I had been confiding in a friend or what i thought was a friend on a regular basis, about everything in my life including the troubles in my current relationship. I had even said that it was over between me and my current BF. Only to have this "friend" the same day, email what he thought was my ex a rude sexual comment. If this motherfucking friend knew anything about me and paid attention to anything i have ever say about any relationship i have ever been in, my relationships are never over when i think or maybe say they are, i might get pissed and think its what i want, but in reality i just need to cool down and then i just wanna be back with that guy. If this "friend" listened to me or this blog, he would know this, but like most fags just saw an opportunity for himself and went for it. It makes me sick.
This is New York City, there is more than enough faggots to hit on that you don't need to be stepping on my toes and throwing yourself at my bf or ex bf, if your my friend. Where is the fucking respect? I would NEVER touch one of my friends ex's and if i do, then i am defiantly not your friend.
Now and once again, I'm bitter. I don't have many friends and for exactly this reason. No one has respect for anyone in this community, and its disgusting. Its like, what is the point? As soon as your happy, everyone wants to destroy your happiness or leech off you. When your down, they just wanna kick you until your dirt. There is no in-between, there is no happy medium. Just one non-stop ugly cycle that gets worse and worse as you get older and older.
I'm just over the whole gay lifestyle... it goes nowhere. At least in the straight world, there is procreation and a point to go on. This gay world, it all about fucking and materialist bullshit, i would give it up in a heart beat if i could. This isn't life.
I was just thinking the other day as i did my typical routine, "jesus, this doesnt feel like living" and i thought to myself when in my life did i feel more alive? and it was when i woke up in hospital bed after OD'ing. I guess that why i been so obcessed with autoerotic asphyxia lately, when your life feels so meaningless at times, you need to wake yourself up and let you know your alive.

"Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead" review

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

Director: Lloyd Kaufman
Writers: Daniel Bova Gabriel Friedman

Jason Yachanin ... Arbie
Kate Graham ... Wendy
Allyson Sereboff ... Micki
Robin Watkins ... General Lee Roy
Joshua Olatunde ... Denny
Caleb Emerson ... Carl Jr.
Rose Ghavami ... Humus / ACB Dancer
Khalid Rivera ... Paco Bell
Joe Fleishaker ... Jared (as Mega Herz)
Lloyd Kaufman ... Mature Arbie
Ron Jeremy ... Crazy Ron

Zombies are attacking and they're hungry. This time it's not brains they seek. It's chicken. Lots of fast food chicken. Arbie is pining for his recently turned lesbian ex-girlfriend Wendy. (Arbie? Wendy? Get it? Oh man, those Troma jokers slay me). Arbie decides to take a job at the newly opened chicken restaurant to impress his beloved. Little does he realize that the chicken shack was built over a graveyard. This leads to various foul and nauseating scenes as our intrepid hero must deal with all kinds of bodily fluids, (blood spray, piles of puke, excrement splatter), as the zombies will have their revenge on the mindless consumers of fast food.

"Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead" is easily the best zombies attacking after eating contaminated fast food movie that I've ever seen. It also holds the even rarer distinction of being one of the best Troma movies I've seen. Of course I can't really say that I've seen many Troma flicks as I wouldn't consider myself a fan of Tromaville. I never got into the Troma brand of juvenile gross-out humor. This all goes back to the time when I drove to a college campus to see "Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D." and was ready to charge the projector booth so I could burn the film. After that soul scarring experience, I decided to let Troma go on without me.

But there was something about chicken zombies that told me that "Poultrygeist" might be worth checking out. Once the zombie infection spreads to the customers, the movie kicks into blood and guts overdrive as bodies are ripped and shredded with gleeful abandon. There are also plenty of make out scenes with Wendy and her new girlfriend as Kaufman seems to have a fascination with watching pretty girls kiss each other. I can't blame him for that.

Although I can blame him for his insistence on having disgusting scenes of bodily malfunctions. There's a horrid scene where an obscenely fat man runs into the bathroom so we can hear, (and eventually see), him take a massive chicken dump. This was something I never needed to see but the Troma people just can't seem to control their instinct to be distasteful. I also wasn't aware that there was going to be singing and dancing numbers spontaneously breaking out. But after my initial shock subsided, I started to get into watching Kaufman sing and dance his way into our hearts.

But what is the deeper meaning of this disgusting movie? What words of gory wisdom is it trying to impart to the unwashed masses? Is it suggesting that fast food is an evil enterprise and that by supporting it we are creating an army of zombies? This anti business tirade is interesting coming from a man who spent the first ten minutes of the movie complaining about Chinese pirates eating into his company profits. Would the Troma people be happy if we forsake fast food for fruits and vegetables? What diet do the folks in Tromaville stick to so that they have enough energy to make these nasty flicks? These and other questions bounced through my head as I watched the chicken zombies run wild.

One last thought, after the movie was over I drove out and had some fast food chicken. Take that "Poultrygeist"! I'll never give up delicious Chipoltle no matter how many zombies attack me! Although I'm not sure if Chipoltle counts as fast food but it is really good food. And fast.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 blood soaked chicken lovers