"Succubus: Hell Bent" review

Succubus: Hell Bent (2007)

Gary Busey ... Sentinel
David Keith ... Wallace
Lorenzo Lamas ... Flight Instructor
Kelly Hu ... Detective Pei
Natalie Denise Sperl ... Lilith
Jayson Blair ... Jason
Shawna Marie Nelson ... Heather
Ahna O'Reilly ... Bikini Babe
Cameron Goodman ... Kitty Cutie
Rebekah Brandes ... Hottie #2
Amber Flamminio ... Hottie #1
I want to jump right in and praise “Succubus: Hell Bent” for its one positive attribute. That would be Lilith, the hell bent Succubus. Lilith hooks up with a complete tool bag in Cancun and proceeds to have a demonic fatal attraction to him. He runs back to L.A. only to be stalked by the hellish hottie. The rest of the movie has the moron wondering why this demon is after him and what he plans to do to defeat her evil succubus ways.

Other than having a really hot succubus who looks great in black, I can’t think of one positive thing to say about this movie. “Succubus: Hell Bent” starts off with the tool bag and his dad flying jet planes. This lets us know right away that the main character is super rich and needs to be completely despised. Later on, Lorenzo Lamas makes an appearance as a helpful flight instructor who has a dog fight with the jet flying succubus. One of the producers must have a friend at a flight school because I couldn’t understand why a succubus needs to fly a jet to do her dirty work.

In fact, a lot about this movie is bewildering. Like why are Kelly Hu and Gary Busey in it? Both of them show up for ten minute cameos which only serve to remind us that we are not watching a real horror movie. I suspect that the filmmakers really wanted to make a teen “Fatal Attraction/Fear/The Crush/Swimfan” type flick but decided it had been done before. Why not make the same kind of crazy chick movie but with a succubus? And jets! Lots of jet fighter scenes! Those are really scary! No horror movie with a jet has ever been good. This movie proves that point once again.

Comedic horror movies can sometimes be fun but “Succubus: Hell Bent” is a pointless B-movie. It can be skipped. They had a hot girl in black, a rented hotel room and a lot of jets. This was not the ideal mix for a fun horror flick. This movie needed more graphic succubus killings and a lot less scenes of jet fighters. But that’s probably true of most movies.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 demonic jets

Well, at least there was Lilith.

"Dream Slashers" review

Dream Slashers (2007)

Director: Philippe Ney
Writer: Domenic Siclari

Keren Gilbert ... Josey
Jon Seminara ... Charlie Watts
Irwin Keyes ... Sheriff Garza / Pizza Delivery Man
Jossara Jinaro ... Meena Garcia
Emerson Brooks ... Terrence
Ryan Kitley ... Scott
Esme Williams ... Demitria
Monica Gambee ... Monica
Michelle LaFrance ... Jessica
Melissa Tesmer ... Kelly

In any other line of business, fraud would be considered a detriment to a continuing successful enterprise. For some B-movie filmmakers, it’s a necessary business tactic. The description of “Dream Slashers” bears no resemblance to the actual film. I remember reading something about naughty women invading a guy’s dreams and doing some slashing. I can assure you that those naughty women are nowhere near this movie. How naughty of them.

How do B-movie hucksters continually get away with it? If I bought a bag of cookies, and it turned out that there wasn’t anything inside, I could get my money back. Yet if I rent a movie called “Dream Slashers” and it has nothing to do with dreams or slashers or anything else resembling entertainment, I get the finger. Why do B-movie filmmakers hold their audience in such contempt? Do they hate the fact that they are forced to make horror movies? Do they hate consumers in general? What drives people to waste time and money making this garbage only to turn around and try to sell it as something mildly entertaining? These and other questions are pointless to ask as the filmmakers have already taken my money and moved on to their next five movies they’ll crank out this weekend.

So if you are foolish enough to watch this movie, here’s what you get. A bunch of hot women go to their apartment and have a slumber party. They decide to tell scary stories while dressed in lingerie. The girl dressed as the devil has a really scary story to tell and proceeds to ruin the party. She babbles on about a haunted motel in Mexico where two couples hang out and bore to death anyone listening to their mind-numbing tale.

The only hope this movie had of being good was to let the lingerie girls either a) become Dream Slashers like it promised or B) let some hideous maniac attack them while they ran around in their underwear. Why devil girl decided to drag a perfectly good lingerie slumber party into oblivion with her tedious story is beyond me. “Dream Slashers” is the epitome of complete rip-off. It needs to be avoided. It will try to invade your B-movie dreams with its deceitful advertising but be strong and steer clear.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 dreaming lingerie girls