"Decoys: The Second Seduction" review

Decoys: The Second Seduction (2007)
AKA Decoys 2: Alien Seduction

Director: Jeffery Scott Lando
Writers: Tom Berry Miguel Tejada-Flores

Corey Sevier... Luke Callahan
Tyler Johnston... Sam Compton
Kailin See... Stephanie Baxter
Kim Poirier... Constance Snowden
Dina Meyer... Dr. Alana Geisner
Tobin Bell... Professor Erwin Buckton

I saw “Decoys: The Second Seduction” the other day with my plus one and our mutual bad movie loving friend. It was way past time for some Chipotle and a movie. You can’t go to Chipotle and not watch a movie afterwards. I had the burrito bowl but my plus one insists that real men have the burrito. But I’m telling you that the burrito bowl with a Negro Modelo is the only way to fly. Chipotle is the fuel that gets you ready for cinema.

After some delicious Chipotle, we cruised back to the apartment for a viewing of “Decoys: The Second Seduction”. I was the only one there who had seen the first one although I barely remembered it. I just remembered aliens posing as blonde college girls to fool the horny college students and even hornier guys renting the movie. I promised the two amigos that there would be blonde aliens looking for blood. We had a shot of Jameson’s to celebrate and started the “Decoy” party.

So a bunch of aliens are posing as blonde college girls. They get the guys alone and proceed to waste them with their phallic tentacles. A couple of geeks start to get suspicious when the hot chicks start talking to them. They must be killer aliens! Soon the geeks will put their heads together to take the campus back from the intergalactic hotties.

One of the Jedi mind tricks that the aliens play on the guys is to look deep within their souls and figure out what kind of female fantasy turns them on. So if some guy is really into leather, the alien instantly transforms into a leather dominatrix. If some guy is into leopard tights, she’ll turn into a spandex-wearing Catwoman, etc. Unfortunately this little gimmick also emphasizes what’s missing in this movie. You’d think one of the guys would have been turned on by a naked woman. There’s too much tease and not enough skin in these fantasies. I would have imagined a girl in panties and leather boots and that’s it. Keep it simple. That’s my motto.

“Decoys: The Second Seduction” is a fair B-movie. It hums along and didn’t make me want to hurl myself over the balcony after watching it. It needed some more naked aliens to make it a B-movie you could be proud of but as it is, it’s just passable entertainment. If you must see it, it won’t hurt you too much. I would just make sure to have some Chipotle before watching it. It’ll make the “Decoys” go down smoother. And be sure to get the burrito bowl with extra cheese. You’ll be a winner every time.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 killer blonde decoys - Don't get too close Your friendly doctor recommends a dosage of Chipotle to ease the B-movie pain

"Sex Hex" review

Sex Hex (2007)

Director: George Freeway
Writer: George Freeway

Sabrina Faire
Jackie Stevens
Sativa Verte
Molly Heartbreaker
Darian Caine
A.J. Khan

A succubus has put a sex hex on a cheap looking office. Apparently the office is populated by lesbians who only needed a little Sapphic push from a horny servant of Satan. Some dork is investigating the mysterious shenanigans but he just distracts from the all-girl action. Will A.J. Khan and Darian Caine give in to their forbidden desires and fall under Sabrina Faire’s lesbian sex hexing? As if you didn’t know…

“Sex Hex” was directed by “George Freeway”. I feel safe in saying that this name is bogus and that “Sex Hex” was made by the same players who gave us “Kinky Kong”. The same terrible lighting technique is used here for the ladies. Whenever the sex scene starts ramping up, the girls are lit up so that you can see them from outer space. Once again, this disastrous filmmaking choice ruins most of the movie.

It’s important in softcore flicks to try to make the sex scenes believable. We know the performers are not actually having sex but we like to believe that they are. These scenes don’t need any extra lighting, music, editing or anything else that takes the viewer’s horny mind off of the image of two, (or three), women licking and kissing each other.

So “Sex Hex” was pretty much a dud for me. You wouldn’t think cheap lesbian sex flicks could get overproduced but then “Sex Hex” and “Kinky Kong” come along to prove otherwise. “Sex Hex” can be skipped.

One last thought, there was one good thing about “Sex Hex” and that one good thing was A.J. Khan. I don’t think I can praise her enough for her dedication to the Sapphic arts. She has one decent sex scene with Darian Caine near the beginning of the movie. Not only does A.J. have a great body, she always knows what to do with the other female she’s with. A.J is always energetic and gives it her best in each sex scene. She was the reason I watched this movie. Now if we could only get her to star in her own Emmanuelle movies. A.J. Khan…Queen of the galaxy…

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 sex hexing Khans

Yeah, I've been hexed.