"Nympha" review

Nympha (2007)

Director: Ivan Zuccon
Writer: Ivo Gazzarrini

Tiffany Shepis ... Sarah
Caroline De Cristofaro

Giuseppe Gobbato
Alessandra Guerzoni ... Mother Superior
Allan McKenna

Tiffany Shepis goes to a convent. She is there to live in total seclusion with God. The sisters feel that the only way for Tiffany to speak with God is to torture her on a regular basis. These various crippling tortures lets Sister Tiffany channel some ghosts from the past. There is another convoluted tale at this convent about some old crazy guy who liked to beat people and keep them in his attic. Sister Tiff starts reaching out to these spirits to somehow find some comfort after having her senses sliced off of her body. The ghosts of B-movie pasts may be able to help Sister Shepis or they may drive her insane.

I was ready for a sleazy nunsploitation movie and instead I got "Nympha". Who are the ghosts and why should we care? Why am I staring at an old guy in a wifebeater when I should be watching Shepis get on her knees? The movie starts off with Tiffany Shepis getting naked in the first ten minutes.

"Nympha" was on the right path to B-movie enlightenment. I was intrigued and ready to see more of Tiffany's spiritual growth. Then the movie derails as the action shifts away from Shepis and focuses on a crazy old guy. Trying to keep up with the story of the old coot and his crazy ways are not what B-movie thrills are made of. Tiffany was interested in his story but I wasn't. The movie keeps jumping back and forth between plot lines but it should have stayed on Tiffany and her days of convent horror.

What would B-movies do without Tiffany Shepis? This movie would be pretty worthless without her presence to save the day. Her B-queen work ethic is strong. She does not rip-off the fans. I rent a movie with her in it and I know I can expect the usual amount of Shepis T&A. I also can expect a healthy level of violence as well with a Shepis flick. She gets the snot kicked out of her in this one as the nuns want to make sure she has no fun at the convent. What a trooper she is.

There is one scene in "Nympha" that almost makes it worth seeing. After Tiffany has been beaten pretty badly, one of the female spirits visits her. This leads to a nice lesbian love scene as Tiffany needed some comfort from her gushing head wounds. Actually, I needed this scene a lot more than Tiffany did as I was getting very bored with the movie.

Overall, "Nympha" is not worth seeing unless you're a die hard Shepis fan. If you want a really good Tiffany Shepis flick, check out "The Hazing". You can let this one go.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 Sister Shepis healings

"The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I." review

The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. (2007)

Director: Fred Olen Ray
Writer: Fred Olen Ray

Beverly Lynne ... Tania
Nicole Sheridan ... Patty Mercury
Voodoo ... Mark Ten
Rebecca Love ... Samantha Rhinehart
Evan Stone ... Mong Lee
Gianna Lynn ... Fay Wong
Randy Spears ... Randolph
Lacie Heart ... Kim Chee

Beverly Lynne keeps me up past my bedtime again. I saw that "Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I" was on at 1:30AM and I knew that this was a film I had to see. Sweet Beverly never saw another human that she didn't want to have sex with. Well, at least not in a late night Cinemax flick. I knew I was in good hands.

So Beverly is the girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. She's on the hunt for something or other. She runs into a bunch of people and has sex with them. Beverly's usual late night playmates show up for the typical hot sex scene. It all leads up to the diabolical ending where some evil woman is trying to put a stop to something important. This leads to yet more sex. Everyone lives happily ever after and I went to bed dreaming of Beverly Lynne and her BIKINI adventures.

Everyone's favorite late night carny cranks out another bikini movie to add to his ever growing collection. Fred Olen Ray and his raging bikini fetish keeps people around the world entertained with compelling stories of hard bodied women who love to get in and out of bikinis. Although no one actually wore a bikini in this movie which is a tad surprising. And when I say surprising, I mean not surprising at all. The literal definition of a carny is one who works at a carnival. But the real definition of a carny is a person who takes great joy in ripping people off. Stiff the rubes and pocket their money. That's how you roll with the carnies.

But if it's one genre that speaks to Ray it is the late night erotic flick. The demands of the genre, (sex, skin, more sex), keeps him focused on giving the viewers what they want. Ray has perfected the art of the late night softcore treat and has become prolific in cranking them out. As long as there are late nights, there will be guys like Ray to fill them with films of hot naked women kissing each other. I take some comfort in that.

"Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I." is a pretty good addition to the Ray catalog of bikini adventures. I thought the best scene was going to be Beverly Lynne and Rebecca Love in a three-way but I called it too soon. The next scene had Rebecca Love in an all girl three-way which was fantastic. The late night lesson learned here is to never underestimate Ray and his wily ways. He had saved the best for last. I should have known better.

So if you're up late one night and you don't know what to do with yourself, check out "Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I." Beverly and Rebecca will send you to dreamland as only naked bikini girls can.



SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 bikini girls