"The Missing" review

The Missing (2003)

Directed by Ron Howard
Writing credits Ken Kaufman

Tommy Lee Jones .... Samuel Jones a.k.a Chaa-duu-ba-its-iidan
Cate Blanchett .... Maggie Gilkeson
Evan Rachel Wood .... Lilly Gilkeson
Jenna Boyd .... Dot Gilkeson
Aaron Eckhart.... Brake Baldwin
Val Kilmer .... Lt. Jim Ducharme

Cate Blanchett is Dr Quinn at her little house on the prairie. Tommy Lee Jones is her surly father who wants to make up with her on the advice of his witch doctor. Speaking of mysticism, a gang of Indians led by a Medicine Man kidnaps one of Cate's daughters. The daughter is "The Missing". Blanchett and Jones go searching for her. They are "The Searchers".

First, let me say that the missing girl was not worth saving. That's the first strike against "The Missing". She was annoying and stupid. Two people were killed because of her idiocy. She did not endear herself to me. She could stay missing.

But Blanchett and Jones seemed to like her so they rode on after her. I sat there wondering what their plan was to get this girl back from the Indians. I thought, "How would Clint Eastwood have handled this?" I'm certain Clint wouldn't have brought a little girl with him nor would he have wasted two seconds trying to buy the girl back. Jones was a man of inaction. He's bargaining with the Indians? "Please Medicine Man; Can I have my kidnapped granddaughter back? Pretty please?" Yeesh. Sickening. Clint would have wasted all of them and taken the prettiest girl for himself.

So there is something missing from "The Missing". Let's see, how about characters you care about, action set pieces that are exciting, etc. However, they did manage to make the Indians appropriately mean and brutal. They were professional slave traders. There could have been a good exploitative western here but instead we get Grandpa Jones and his inept battle plan.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 missing brats

"Private Parts" review

Private Parts (1997)

Directed by Betty Thomas
Writing credits Len Blum

Howard Stern .... Howard Stern
Robin Quivers .... Robin Quivers
Mary McCormack .... Alison Stern
Fred Norris .... Fred Norris
Paul Giamatti .... Kenny 'Pig Vomit' Rushton

"Private Parts" is the life story of Howard Stern. As told through the eyes of...Howard Stern. A bit one sided? Hmmm…yeah.

Howard Stern is a jerk. But that's good because that's what his audience wants to hear. Stern being a jerk to celebrities, porno stars and anyone else who walks on his radio show. His sidekick Robin laughs at his jokes and tries to rein him in a bit if he goes too far. Nothing fazes Stern as he proceeds to rip into anybody who tries to touch his radio show. But he's still a nice guy. Honest! The man may be a pig on the air but it's all just an act. He really, really loves his wife! Stern says so! It must be true!

So Stern weaves a valentine to his wife with "Private Parts". He may act loathsome sometimes but his heart is in the right place. "Private Parts" also sends some hate mail to one of his old bosses, "Pig Vomit". The scenes where Stern and Giamatti went at each other were hilarious. Paul Giamatti did a great job.

"Private Parts" is a funny flick. The phone sex scene was boobtastic. Overall, I enjoyed it. I'm just not sure how much I buy his nice guy routine. If his radio show is "Just an act", what's his movie? The truth? Nahhh...

SCORE: 3 out of 4 not so private Sterns