"Supercroc" review

Supercroc (2007)

Director: Scott Harper
Writer: Steve Bevilacqua

Kim Little... Dr. Leah Perrot
Cynthia Rose Hall... Pvt. Celia Perez
Matthew Blashaw... Capt. Lynch
David Novak... General McFadden
Shaley Scott... Sgt. Julie Davenport
Noel Thurman... Reynolds
Michael Tower... McCoy

So my brother came out to L.A. the other week to have some West Coast fun. He couldn’t wait to get the party started. He was so impatient that by the time I picked him up from the airport he had already had four Jack and Cokes. This was a man who was serious about unwinding. He wasn’t going to wait for L.A. He had to get completely smashed as soon as possible. He was raging down the express lane to oblivion and that train was not stopping for anyone.

Before he came out, we had planned a little West Coast itinerary. His friend was going to take him to a few parties. There was going to be some drinking. We decided to hit the Renaissance fair for some turkey legs and some more drinking. We could shoot some pool and maybe catch a movie or two. If there was time, we’d drink a little more. And for the cherry on top, I proposed that we start the extended weekend off with a viewing of “Supercroc”. I had seen the back of the video box and it sold me immediately. I told my brother of the giant crocodile jumping out of the water and attacking a helicopter. We were both believers at that point. This Supercroc had to be seen.

So after a full day of brotherly drunken debauchery, we settled into a nice apartment and watched “Supercroc”. At this point, my brother was chugging shots of Jameson’s whiskey like it was apple juice. He had to keep pumping fuel into the drunkard express or else it would derail. Nobody wanted that. But I’m afraid it was “Supercroc” that paid the price for his inebriated state as there was much yelling at the screen because of its super awfulness.

I am vaguely offended by “Supercroc”. Even though I caught one sentence out of every five, (thanks to my bellowing brother), I still caught enough to know that this movie is terrible. The standard pack of B-movie soldiers are wandering around looking for a Supercroc. The beast rears its cheap head and proceeds to do some cheap damage. It escapes and attacks a cut-rate facsimile of L.A. While all of this nothingness is going on, the usual inept government types are arguing in a broom closet about what to do about the Supercroc. Nothing good comes out of their banal crocodile discussions.

Come to think of it, nothing good comes out of watching this movie. “Supercroc” is a complete dud. Even the scene where the Supercroc attacks the helicopter couldn’t push the entertainment meter pass one. There is no blood shown during any of the super attacks nor are any of the super attacks worth watching. Unless you have a drunken brother sitting next to you providing loud color commentary, your evening will be wasted on “Supercroc”.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 drunks heckling supercrocs