"The Witch's Sabbath" review

The Witch's Sabbath (2005)

Director: Jeff Leroy
Writer: Jeremiah Campbell

April Betts ... Keaira
Eric Coffin ... Damian
Gregor Collins ... Derrek
Rikki Dale ... Amber (as Rikki Barry)
Syn DeVil... Auriana
Lori the Gory ... Stripper
Annmarie Lynn Gracey ... Roxy
Ron Jeremy ... Craven Moorehead (The Bible Salesman)
Jed Rowen ... Dave
Lisa Sparxxx ... Meiko

I love the B-movie babes. I really can’t get enough of seeing them do their thing in important cinema like “Witch’s Sabbath”. Although I know full well that the movie is lacking in good acting, plot and other basic aspects of film production, I still get a kick out of these movies. There’s just something about topless women massacring morons that screams entertainment.

A bunch of demonic strippers want to harvest some souls so they can bring on the large breasted apocalypse. They lure some horny idiots, (is there any other kind?), back to their pad so they can get the killing party started. Ron Jeremy shows up as a Bible salesman intent on stopping this evil madness. He doesn’t get very far. Soon the dolts will have to battle the strippers in a fight to the B-movie death.

“Witch’s Sabbath” is a simple movie that will be enjoyed if one is in the mood for a night of cheap blood, cheap T&A, cheap gore, cheap camera work and all around cheapness. Did I mention it’s cheap? Lisa Sparxxx and Syn De Vil are the best special effects the filmmakers could afford and they put them to good use. These two made the movie for me. I had a good time watching them be all the witchy women they could be.

“Witch’s Sabbath” is a joke of a horror movie. There’s nothing remotely scary about it. But as a sleazy B-flick it’s pretty good. It’s worth a look if you’re in the mood for some cheap fun with the B-movie witches.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 witchy women

Scary...

"The Rage" review

The Rage (2007)

Director: Robert Kurtzman
Writers: John Bisson Robert Kurtzman

Andrew Divoff ... Dr. Viktor Vasilienko
Erin Brown ... Kat
Reggie Bannister ... Uncle Ben
Ryan Hooks ... Josh
Rachel Scheer ... Olivia
Sean Serino ... Pris

A mad scientist has had it with humanity. He invents a rage virus that will wipe the scourge of humans off the Earth. But like all nefarious B-movie plans, things go awry. The test subject will not cooperate with the doctor’s master plans and runs amok ahead of schedule. This leads to much blood and gore as the rage virus fills you with the urge to tear people limb from limb. Misty Mundae and friends get in the way of the rampaging rage virus as it spreads from humans to insane vultures. Yes, that’s right. Mad, drooling, blood lusting vultures. It’s a B-movie party.

“The Rage” is an excellent B-movie. I had a great time watching it. It’s set up to be a showcase for gore effects and keeps the blood splatter level high. It starts off with a rage infected human attacking the doctor and then rampaging through some unsuspecting dolts. Once some vultures get their beaks into his dead carcass, they become infected with the virus. They spot Misty and friends and swoop down to finish her off. From there the movie is a nonstop bloodbath. It was a joy to watch.

“The Rage” also holds the distinction of being the best Misty Mundae horror flick I’ve seen yet. Of course, the best Mundae movie of all time is still “The Seduction of Misty Mundae” but as far as normal B-flicks go, “The Rage” is a lot of fun. I still can’t get used to this “Erin Brown” name though. It’s Misty forever. She seems to have shifted gears away from softcore and into horror now so I guess I’ll be seeing her scream her way through B-movie land.

“The Rage” is a perfect Saturday night rental. Blood, gore, severed limbs and psychotic vultures. Well worth checking out.

SCORE: 3 out of 4 raging vultures

How Alive? 2 Alive...

So I am finally an award winning porn star.


Well it was The Grabby Awards in Chicago last night and i finally won, not one, but two awards. I was shocked. I won Best Versatile Performer and Best Actor.
The Best Vers. Performer, i can understand, cause i can give it as well as i can take it, so kudos to me for that one, cause my competition was pretty strong. And to anyone that was there and took offence my speech...it was a joke, i don't think I'm better than anyone, hence me being so shocked.
As far as Best Actor... well i just think its silly. I am the worse actor EVER!. I am the definition of bad porn acting. Although, i have yet to see Ivy League (the movie i was nominated for, i think...) maybe, its better than my other stuff? Maybe the people who choose winners are just big fans of bad acting like, you know how gays love the movie "Showgirls". Well same difference here. Who knows, possible they watched the movie on LSD, shrooms or some other mind altering drugs.
Oh Well,Fuck it, I'll take it with pride. Cause shit, who knows when I'm going to get another.
Thanks again to much to Stacey, Mark and all of Gay Chicago!

Anyways, I'm home already and I'm happy to be. I could only take playing that happy porn star bit for so long. I mean, yes i was happy to win, but Jesus, nonstop pictures and attention, its just not me. After the awards I didn't even go out and celebrate. Crazy Right? I went back to my hotel room after the awards to change and it was like i was scared to go back out. I sat on my bed trying to reason why i needed to go back out, but i just couldn't. I didn't wanna do drugs, i didn't want to have sex and i, sure as fuck didn't wanna see anymore porn stars. Not exactly how i planned it in my head but stranger things have happened.

Brooke Haven

Brooke Haven AKA Haven XXX (born Serena Marie Maffucci on November 25, 1979 in Sonora, California) grew up in the small Northern California town of Sonora and lived there until she turned 19, when she moved to San Francisco to start working as a stripper. She worked at a club called Deja Vu for three and a half years. Haven then moved to Phoenix, Arizona, where she remained with her stripper career. While working in Phoenix, she met and befriended future porn star Lexie Marie. They both appeared on Playtime magazine and were invited to attend the porn convention Erotica LA in Los Angeles where she made some contacts in the Xbiz.

Haven thought about becoming a porn star and traveled to Los Angeles to spend a weekend with her friend Lexie Marie, who by the time had begun working in the adult industry. Soon after that, she moved to L.A. to start working in porn and on October 12, 2004 shot her first porn movie.

Brooke Haven has now worked in over 150 porn movies with some of the biggest names in porn. Haven is under a non-exclusive contract with the studio Vicious Media which allows her to work for other companies as well. She also directs her own porn movies.

Visit the Official Brooke Haven site

Brooke Haven Filmography

Filmography for porn star Brooke Haven

1. The Oracle (2008) (V)
2. Girls Playing with Girls (2008) (V)
3. Licensed to Blow 4 (2008) (V)
4. Possessed & Undressed (2008) (V)
5. Big Rack Attack 4 (2008) (V)
6. Pure Sextacy 3 (2008) (V)
7. "Co-Ed Confidential" .... Chesty Stripper (2 episodes, 2007)
- The Intervention (2007) TV episode (as Brook Haven) .... Chesty Stripper
- Clothing Optional (2007) TV episode .... Chesty Stripper
8. Bubble Butt Bonanza 11 (2007) (V)
9. The V Word (2007) (V)
10. Make Her Ass Scream: Louder Bitch (2007) (V)
11. Slutty & Sluttier 4 (2007) (V)
12. Pillow Talk (2007) (V)
13. World Cups (2007) (V)
14. Tease Me (2007) (V)
15. Breast Seller (2007) (V)
16. Mobster's Ball (2007) (V)
17. Kaylani Unleashed (2007) (V)
18. Just a Girl (2007) (V)
19. Elite 2 (2007) (V)
20. Mayhem Explosions 7 (2007) (V)
21. Last Night (2007) (V)
22. Breast Seller 3 (2007) (V)
23. All Out Anal (2007) (V)
24. Cream Pie Nurses: In Lingerie (2007) (V)
25. Only in Your Dreams (2007) (V)
26. Her 1st Anal (2007) (V)
27. Housewife 1 on 1 #9 (2007) (V)
28. 3 Blowin' Me (2007) (V)
29. Apple Bottomz 4 (2007) (V)
30. Juggernauts 7 (2007) (V)
31. Rack It Up (2007) (V)
32. North Pole #66 (2007) (V)
33. Rapture in Blue (2007) (V)
34. Club Devon (2007) (V)
35. Service with a Smile (2007) (V)
36. Booty Bangers (2007) (V)
37. Uniform Behavior (2007) (V)
38. The Craving (2007) (V)
39. Slave to Sin (2007) (V)
40. Double D Babes 4 (2007) (V)
41. Pop Shots 8 (2007) (V)
42. Pussy Foot'n 22 (2007) (V)
43. Strange Dreams (2007) (V)
44. Forbidden Secrets (2006) (V) .... Jogger
45. Her First Lesbian Sex Vol. 9 (2006) (V)
46. Great Big Asses 3 (2006) (V)
47. Flasher (2006) (V)
48. Prime Cuts Before They Were Stars Vol. 1 (2006) (V)
49. Double Decker Sandwich 8 (2006) (V)
50. Ass Inc. (2006) (V)
51. A List (2006) (V)
52. Hand to Mouth 3 (2006) (V)
53. Private Movies 25: Off Limits (2006) (V)
54. Pretty Pussies Please (2006) (V)
55. Anal Sex Movie (2006) (V)
56. Dirty Chicks Craving Meat Sticks (2006) (V)
57. Funbag Fantasies 6 (2006) (V)
58. Dementia 4 (2006) (V)
59. Ass Sluts (2006) (V)
60. Sorority Sex Kittens: Kappa Kappa Sex (2006) (V)
61. Nantucket Housewives (2006) (V)
62. The Ass Watcher 5 (2006) (V)
63. Grudge Fuck 7 (2006) (V)
64. Drowning in Bitch Juice (2006) (V)
65. Tear Jerkers 2 (2006) (V)
66. Ass for Days 2 (2006) (V)
67. Screw My Wife Please 53: She's Amazing! (2006) (V)
68. Vicious Girls Gone Anal (2006) (V)
69. My Sister's Hot Friend 5 (2006) (V)
70. Taboo 22 (2006) (V)
71. Too Hot for Anal (2006) (V)
72. Bangin' Brea (2006) (V)
73. More Than a Handful 15 (2006) (V)
74. Big Tit Ass Stretchers (2006) (V)
75. Spunk'd 6 (2006) (V)
76. Rack 'em Up (2006) (V)
77. Goo 4 Two 3 (2006) (V)
78. Whack Jobs (2006) (V)
79. Pussy Party 17: Dark Chocolate Vanilla Cream (2006) (V)
80. Lewd Conduct 27 (2006) (V)
81. Sex Illusions 2 (2006) (V)
82. Driven (2006) (V)
83. Cumstains 8 (2006) (V)
84. Meet the Fuckers 4 (2006) (V)
85. Squirting Showers (2006) (V)
86. DDs & Derieres 2 (2006) (V)
87. Big Rack Attack 2 (2006) (V)
88. Layout (2006) (V)
89. Pink Paradise (2006) (V)
90. Vicious P.O.V. Slutz (2006) (V)
91. Skin 2 (2006) (V)
92. Killer Desire (2006) (V)
93. Anal Violation 2 (2006) (V)
94. Fresh Young Asses (2006) (V)
95. Share the Load 4 (2006) (V)
96. Fetish Factory (2006) (V)
97. Apprentass 5 (2006) (V)
98. Addicted (2006) (V)
99. Nasty Fucking Nurses (2006) (V)
100. Faith's Fantasies (2005) (V) .... Bedroom Fantasy Girl
101. Rough and Ready (2005) (V)
102. Big Cock Seductions 20 (2005) (V)
103. Ass Worship 7 (2005) (V)
104. Goin' Deep 4 (2005) (V)
105. Busty Beauties 15 (2005) (V)
106. A Perverted Point of View 8 (2005) (V)
107. Getting Stoned 2 (2005) (V)
108. Internal Affairs: From the Files of Valley 911! (2005) (V)
109. Tonsil Hockey (2005) (V)
110. Mrs. Behavin' (2005) (V)
111. Bikini Chain Gang (2005) (V)
112. That '70s 'Ho' (2005) (V)
113. Strip Tease Then Fuck 6 (2005) (V)
114. Striptease Seductions (2005) (V)
115. Assploitations 5 (2005) (V)
116. ButtBlASSted! 3 (2005) (V)
117. Tha Realest (2005) (V)
118. Full Service 3 (2005) (V)
119. Fine Ass Bitches 3 (2005) (V)
120. Crack Addict 4 (2005) (V)
121. Sperm Swappers 2 (2005) (V)
122. Anal Expedition 8 (2005) (V)
123. The Anal Express (2005) (V)
124. Screw My Husband Please! 6 (2005) (V)
125. Orally Challenged (2005) (V)
126. Blow Me Sandwich 7 (2005) (V)
127. Ass Takers (2005) (V)
128. Sex Sells (2005) (V)
129. Lippstixxx & Dippstixxx (2005) (V)
130. Girls Home Alone 25 (2005) (V)
131. Steal Runway (2005) (V)
132. Jack's Teen America: Mission 14 (2005) (V)
133. Shove It Up My... 3 (2005) (V)
134. Filthy Things 5 (2005) (V)
135. Everybody Loves Big Boobies 2 (2005) (V)
136. Double Air Bags 18 (2005) (V)
137. Doubled Up (2005) (V)
138. Straight to the Sphincter 3 (2005) (V)
139. Dirty Girlz 4 (2005) (V)
140. Handjobs 16 (2005) (V)
141. Ass Breeder 2 (2005) (V)
142. Ass 2 Mouth 3 (2005) (V)
143. Smokin' Crack 2 (2005) (V)
144. Backdoor Desires (2005) (V)
145. Big Titty Woman (2005) (V)
146. In Your Face 1 (2005) (V)
147. Tits Ahoy 2 (2005) (V)
148. Spunk'd 3 (2005) (V)
149. Filthy Rich (2005) (V)
150. All About Anal 4 (2005) (V)
151. Pussy Playhouse 9 (2005) (V)
152. Bitches in Heat (2005) (V)
153. Sweet Cheeks 6 (2005) (V)
154. Bell Bottoms 3 (2005) (V)
155. Afterhours (2005) (V)
156. Duality (2005) (V)
157. Sorority Splash 3 (2005) (V)
158. Anal Driller 8 (2005) (V)
159. Drive Thru 4 (2005) (V)
160. Stuck in the Deep End (2005) (V)
161. Teen Handjobs (2005) (V)
162. Analogy 2 (2005) (V)
163. De-Briefed 2 (2005) (V)
164. Skin (2005) (V)
165. Disturbed 3 (2005) (V)
166. Barefoot Maniacs (2005) (V)
167. A History of Porn (2005) (V)
168. 5 People You Meet in Porn (2005) (V)
169. P.O.V. Ersions (2005) (V)
170. Anal Excursions 3 (2005) (V)
171. Big Rack Attack (2005) (V)
172. Cum Catchers 3 (2005) (V)
173. The Devil Made Me Do It! (2005) (V)
174. Reel Girlfriends (2005) (V)
175. Surrender the Booty 1 (2005) (V)
176. Tunnel Vision (2005) (V)
177. Traffic Stopping Tits (2005) (V)
178. Bluelight (2005) (V)
179. Ass Brand New 4 (2005) (V)
180. Ole' in & Out 2 (2005) (V)
181. Dream (2005) (V)
182. Dez's Dirty Weekend 4: Orange County Madness (2005) (V)
183. Big Tit Anal Whores 2 (2005) (V)
184. Big Toys No Boys 3 (2005) (V)
185. Finger Licking Good (2004) (V)
186. Control (2004) (V)
187. Gob Swappers (2004) (V)
188. Lexie and Monique Love Rocco (2004) (V)
189. Cream Filled Holes 2 (2004) (V)

Brooke Haven contact

FAN MAIL ADDRESS:
BROOKE HAVEN
8860 CORBIN AVE P.O.BOX# 133
NORTHRIDGE CA 91324
USA

Brooke Haven stats

Brooke Haven
Aliases: Miss B Haven, Serena Maffucci, HavenXXX
Birth name: Serena Marie Maffucci
Birthdate: November 25, 1979
Birth location: Sonora, California, USA
Measurements: 36D-28-32
Height: 5 ft 2 in (1.59 m)
Weight: 122 lbs (55 kg)
Eye color: Brown
Hair color: Blonde
Natural bust: No
Orientation: Bisexual
Ethnicity: Italian, Venezuelan and Irish

Enjoys: Traveling, hiking, taking on projects, entertaining and her friends.

"Kinky Killers" review

Kinky Killers (2007)

Director: George Lekovic
Writers: Ken Del Vecchio

Michael Paré ... Barry Harper
Charles Durning ... Alexander Hathaway
Beverly Lynne ... Jill Kessy
Brooke Lewis ... Grace Sario
Ken Del Vecchio ... Bob Hathaway / The Figure (as Kenneth Del Vecchio)
Julianne Michelle ... Serena
Brandon Slagle ... Dean Zimmer
Kelli McCarty ... Tori

The end of the world can come about by having copious amounts of anal sex. Hmmm...it must be a Beverly Lynne movie. Indeed it is! Anal loving Beverly shows up as a psychiatrist bent on doggie style world domination.

A couple of cops are investigating a series of sadistic murders. Body parts are showing up all over town with strange tattoos on them. All of the victims are connected to Dr. Beverly and her sleazy boyfriend. Beverly believes in carnal therapy and sometimes lets her boyfriend have some fun with her patients. As more naked women get chopped up, the cops close the net on Beverly and her kinky killers.

“Kinky Killers” is a decent sleaze fest. There is a very convoluted explanation as to why all of the murders are happening. It takes up about five minutes at the end which could have been better spent watching Beverly get naked. It has something to do with a Polycarp and seven churches and some other stuff and ahh who cares? All we need to know is that Beverly likes to get on all fours and wants to rule the world on her knees.

“Kinky Killers” has the usual bumps and clunkiness that B-movies about sadistic ritual murders of naked women always seem to have. But Beverly and friends make up for it with their dedication to exploitation extremes. Watching them encourage incantations while getting pleasured from behind is a fine example of B-movie cinema. If you’re in the mood for some Saturday night sleaze, “Kinky Killers” is a fair rental. It’s certainly not a horror movie but has some moments of B-movie sleaze that could be worth checking out.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 kinky Beverlys

Watching Jerry Springer and the rain outside.

Are you listening? plus Q&A

They are not even listening...

(night)
I can sit here and try to explain myself to someone who seems so interested in knowing me and i feel like I must be speaking a different language. I have an ego. I am Erik Rhodes. I'm everyone else....Apparently your not even listening. I'm left holding my head like I'm insane. Maybe i can't even hear myself talking. Why can i not get through to anyone?
Its funny, i tried having conversations with people including Danny recently where, i can be right in the middle of telling a story or talking about my day, and i get cut off before i can even finish or even explain the validity of what I'm talking about. Kinda like they are not listening or they letting me know that they really don't care what I'm saying..... I don't ask, i just shut up and pretend i haven't said anything.... It seems to be happening more and more often and I'm not sure what it is. All i do know is that whatever I'm saying is obviously not important.. well at least when the words are coming out of my mouth, they just don't seem to hold any water.
Here people listen... well i thought they did.
A man stopped me on the street the other day to tell me that he was a reader of my blog. I thanked him and he went on to say "Your blog is so cool, YOU, are so cool". My first thought was "what a cool True Romance like reference", and then i thought... "cool? he is not even listening"
That's i all i want... just for someone to listen.
Maybe that's why i don't have many friends.. cause no one wants to listen. I curse to much, i complain to much, i don't have anything good to talk about. But maybe if you listened alittle harder you would see that there is so much more going on.
When no one listens are you really alive?
Goddamn it.

(morning)
A reader named Brian asked a bunch of questions regarding escorting. At first i thought he was a rude asshole and i still kinda do, but at the same time i have had so many crazy experiences, people seem to get a kick out of the stories, so I'll pretend to be nice....

First, what was the longest duration of time you have ever spent with a client? How much did you charge for that time?
Its always hard to be friends with a complete stranger for very long. So unless i get a good vibe from the person or they just let me do my own thing, i try not to stay long. I think longest i stayed with someone was a week in Miami. Since these situations can sometimes be terribly uncomfortable you better believe that i charge out the ass. I'm not sure how much i took home from that experience but i was able to pay my New York city rent for about 3 months from it.LOL.

2. What is the strangest request a client has asked of you to do to him or them etc. Did you charge extra?
What i have come to learn from being an escort is that Men can be fucking crazy! I have seen some of the weirdest fetishes. But i do not judge, Why? cuz I'm only 26, who knows what I'm gonna be into when I'm 40 something and wanna get off, ya know.
But as far the strangest request goes, of course it would be the grossest. I shit in a guys mouth. Sure it was disgusting and i needed to be drunk in order to do it. But just figure... i got paid to do something that would happen naturally anyways. I was in and out of there, 400 buck richer and i didn't even have to stick around while he ate it. Easy work if you ask me.

3. Do clients tip beyond regular payment? If so what is the biggest tip you have ever received (and don't say the tip that was attached to a 12 inch beer can thick cock LOL)
Yes some tip beyond the normal pay rate which i always find nice. Some have even tipped me in the thousands. Which is always nice to find out as you count your money in the cab ride home. Rule of thumb: Unless you are a trashy street walker or your client is high, you never count your money in front of them. Its rude and it always make the experience more personal for them.
As for a client with a huge cock... your goddamn right, that is a great tip for me. Getting paid to get pounded out by a huge dick never seems like work. It feels like stealing.

4. What has been the most extreme/weird thing you have allowed a client to do to YOU? What you charge them for it or were you actually into the request and kept your price point the same?
About 10 experiences instantly come to mind. I guess I'll talk about a few.
First would be a guy that was into spanking me. About 15 mins into it my ass was raw and i was starting to get pissed. I asked the guy to stop and we could do whatever else he wanted, just no more spanking. He agreed. Then spanked me again, He would say he was sorry... then do it again and again. I finally told him, "listen spank me again, I'm going to punch you in the face" he said okay, and spanked me again. I st oped put my cloths on and said i was done. He paid me. I walked out of there feeling worthless. This was the first time that escorting ever made me feel like shit. I have not worked for a person into spanking since.

The second would have to be this S/M scene. It was my first time meeting this guy and he asked if he could tie me up. Since I'm a bigger guy i figured, "yah, I'm sure i can get out of whatever this guy does to me anyways so, sure tie me up" Well by the time he was done with all his intricate knots i couldn't move. Then he put a black mask over my head and pushed me on the bed. It was the first time i thought i would be helpless if this guy wanted to kill me. But he didn't instead he put and electrode around my balls and one up my ass and began to shock the fuck out of me. I actually kinda liked it but couldn't get off cuz i thought that this was just foreplay before he butchers me. It was funny afterward as he untied me, he admitted that he had played beach volleyball with me on Fire Island and that the whole time he played that this was what he was fantasy going on in his head. I hold him i didn't remember him. i got paid and left.

The third, every time i tell someone about it, they ask if it was recorded. I was hired to be the white bottom of an 9 black guy gang bang. The only requirement was 9 inches or better. So there was 10, 11, 12 and me, high, ass up in the center of a freshly made up king size bed at the Waldorf Astoria. I got there at about 8pm and left at 10 the next morning when my ass had swoll itself shut. I got home and crawled into bed with my bf and wanted to die. But i was 5 grand richer.

5. Do you have a price point system where you're spending time with someone but in that time if they want something off the beaten path ie . water sports etc. Do you up the price or its all part of the time spent?
No price points. We come up with an hourly rate in case you go over that hour so you know after the hour you start to pay more. But if you cum in 15 mins... you pay the hour rate. As far as WS goes, i have made arrangements base on guys just coming over my place to drink my piss and leave. That's easy, but my piss still run about 250 bucks. So drink up!!!

6. Ever get flown out somewhere to meet a client? Where is the farthest place you've been?
Thanks to escorting i have been tons of place i never thought i would go. Flown on private jets and all that good shit. But Germany has been the farthest so far

7. Naturally I know you can't say names (would be awesome if you did though) but have you ever been hired by any famous celebrities and were they complete freaks! *note, politicians don't count cause they are all closet cases... the republicans anyway.
Yes, i even have cum in a few. But no, the names are in the vault. But yeah i think I've done more politicians than anything. The Republicans are the weirdest.

8. And lastly , you have mentioned before how you got a "new lease on life" after you found out you were HIV negative and mentioned that you did some extreme things that could have gotten you in trouble back when you "didn't give a shit"
How many different guys dropped loads in your ass over a 48 hour period of time?
Yeah i think we have all had our Dawson 40 load weekends fantasy, I'm know i have. Shit where do you think my dog got his name. But i don't know the answer to that question. I know i was in some bad situations where i was high and i just don't know. But i been tested since basically everything on this little Q and A and I'm clean as a whistle. Somehow. That why my escorting has basically slowed down to a crawl, it has to be worth it now.

"Bit Parts" review

Bit Parts (2006)

Director: Dave Reda
Writer: Jon Rosenberg

Michelle Angel ... Maggie Cranston
Molly Fix ... Melissa Martin
Sarah Gordon ... Brenda Martin
Christopher Page ... Doctor Cranston
Dave Reda ... Bobby DuMont
Peter Redman ... Detective Tony Giallo
Sean Spence ... Phil

A madman is stalking the wannabe actresses of Hollywood. He’s holding phony auditions so that he can get women to show him their bit parts. He wants to cut off their most attractive features so that he can attach them to his hideously deformed daughter. When he sees an actress with a pair of lips that turn him on, he drags her back to his secret lair where he can perform fiendishly cheap operations. Somehow the deranged daughter and her new organ donor bond which puts a hold on the surgery. This buys the actress some time as her sister and a helpful cab driver try to find her before she goes under the knife.

The story of the sleazy guy in Hollywood luring naïve women to their doom is a tried and true formula. Not surprisingly, the producers of this film used the exact same tactic to get actresses to appear in this movie. The ladies thought they were going to be in a movie but instead ended up as body parts on the B-movie floor.

You’d think watching a madman hack off women’s limbs would be more entertaining. But “Bit Parts” is too cheap to really wholeheartedly embrace the concept of maniacal doctors at work. If there’s one thing “Frankenhooker” taught us, (and it has taught us a lot), is that when making a B-movie about lopping off parts of women, make sure you attach it to something sleazy. Watching the doctor’s daughter get excited about new boobies left me yawning. I didn’t want that brat to get new boobies. I didn’t want her to get anything her little whining heart desired. The doc should have stuffed her in the vat of acid and made a new daughter from scratch. That’s what good times are made of.

“Bit Parts” tries it’s best to be an entertaining B-flick but I couldn’t get into it. It’s too cheap to do the ripping and tearing it needs to. You might get into it if you’re looking for a light hearted take on female organ removal. As for me, I like my evil doctors to remove bit parts with maniacal glee, not psychotic fatherly love.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 female parts

Erikisgonnaburninhellmegamix #1

So i have somethings coming up...


I will be in Chicago for the Grabby's which i think is on the 24th. For you that don't know what the Grabby' are it is a gay porn award ceremony. I'm not sure how many Garbby's I have been up for in the past, all I do know is that i've lost everytime. As far as both award cemeomonies go, i'm a big fat goose egg and nine. Its actually funny, everytime i go to one of these things, i get swept away in what everyone else says, "oh your a shoe in, to win". I don't believe it but kinda gets stuck in my head, and then when the results are read, and i lose, I get fucking pissed, like what is wrong with me. Its silly actually... did i not fuck hard enough? did i not cum enough? do i not get vocal enough when i'm getting pounded out? am i not a good enough performer.
Yes, porn has me worn out, but just like anything you do in life you kinda want whatever you do to be the best. Its no different here. (i can see all the post now about me complaining about this... please save it).
Its even got to the point where i have begun to rationalize the whole situation differently to make myself feel better. LOL. I say, Well its okay to lose. Why? Becasue all the guys that have won early in there career have already hit there high note, and where do you go from there... down. So when the next porn awards rolls around and your not even nominated at least i can sitt there and say that i have steadily increased my amount of nomination, i have just failed to hit my high note yet. And that is fine by me.
Although i do think this will be my year. During the last Awards ( The Gayvn's) I schmoozed with the right people in between all the coke and G I did. I do think i managed to get the right people on my side. Yes, its all politics here in porn also. You gotta suck the right dicks before you get yourself any awards. (JK)
But i guess we will see. Like the last awards, i'm not planning on winning anything, i'm just need to tell myself, i'm going to have a good time and if i win something that will just be a plus.


From Chicago i will be going to Boston for a Manhunt Event. The one that coninsides with those pics that i took not long ago with Joe O. that i had posted on here. I'm not sure what this event will consist of cuz i know i'm not dancing. I will not be 2-stepping, or doing the fucking muscle shuffle or anything like that. So any readers from Boston that just wanna come look at me stand around getting fucked up. Please come by, LOL. I will not dissapoint.

----------------------------------------------------------------

As far as where i am in life...


I don't know where the fuck i am. Alot of the time I feel like i'm a stanger living in this body. I have been staying in and sticking to myself again. And as much as readers are going to hate this, but i have been hanging out with my ex again. He has been going through some rough times right now and much as you would think that i would be excited over thought of him struggling, i feel like i'm right there with him. I can't help it. My heart just won't dissconnect that easily. Do i think we should be giving it another go at our realtionship again?... right now, No. But am i going to be there for him anyway i can, so he doesnt have to struggle. Yeah, (until my fucking heart gives out).
But besides that, i'm not sure what has been wrong with me. My sex drive has been shit and my social aniexty has been at an all time high. The last time 2 times i tried to go to the movies i could do i cuz i just couldnt bare to be around people and then this weekend i forced myself to go see IronMan. I was kinda happy becasue i sat at the end of the isle, but walking in there i kinda felt like i was going to break out in Hives. (oh and yes, Terrence Howards charater in Ironman is named James Rhodes, weird). I wonder what the Grabbys are gonna be like. I just might freak out.

Guilt Trip

down and up, down and up, down...


So without trying to hard i think i destroyed another relationship/friendship/just someone who made me smile and was great to cuddle with,ship. Of course, it being work related. I think its hard for someone to understand, since i have alot of free time, that when work comes up, unfortunately, i need to work regardless of plans and everything else. Most of the time they don't understand and i get the guilt trip. Those good ol' goddamn guilt trips. Like I'm some soulless monster that doesn't feel bad to enough to begin with. Nothing like laying it on thick so i can feel bad the whole time I'm working, ya know, suck all the fucking fun out of something i don't like doing in the first place. To top it all of with a ruined relationship when i get home.
But, to be honest I'm not even sure if its ruined, at the same time its to fresh to want to even argue. So instead, i just shut down. Since the day in question, i have yet to receive a text or a phone call, and I'm way to far of a pussy to make that leap, to be 100 percent honest, I'm just afraid of getting the guilt trip. Shit, my parent wonder why i never pick up their phone calls. Its just guilt trip after guilt trip. I've had enough.

That's one of the reason why being single has been so good to me so far. No one to bitch at me. Instead of bitching i just i have come across this new and pretty pathetic trend of men, (and just not gross ones) throwing themselves at me by offering themselves up to just basically service me however i want.
I'm confused by however. The first thought that comes into my head is "I wonder if this dude will shave my back?" Every time i ask my brother to do it, he bitchs the whole way thru, so i know its not a fun job and surely sounds like service to me.
Anyways, i can't be more turned off by this. However, if i am extremely horny and i lose my morals, this is the type of person i will undoubtedly treat like shit. Pump and dump their face and not even let them shower before i ask them to leave. So thanks for the offers dudes, but no thanks.
Yes, i do porn, but the easiest way to my heart and to get me in the sack is thru some good Italian food and a movie. It normally works, unless the food is bad and the movie sucks. Well... then you'll just be in for a night of me bitching. LOL.

So a bunch of people have been asked me how the Atmosphere concert was. Well to me it was like having a great soundtrack and an amazing performance while sitting in a pit of hell.
While i stood around for the 2 and a half hours while the worse DJ on the planet force fed us exactly why today's commercial hip hop is such garbage, i got to cruise the crowd and the insanely hot wanna be white gangsters that came to see atmosphere perform. In my head i hoped for one of them to come up to me and say "omg I know who you are". I didn't happen. Apparently as hot as they were, this was not my crowd. LOL. I kinda felt like that old perverted fag that parents warn their children about, cuz i couldn't help wanting to ass rape a hot drunk gangster in the bathroom. That also didn't happen. After the awful DJ ended his set, me and my friend went and got food assuming atmosphere wasn't coming on for awhile. When we got back the opening act, Abstract Rude got on stage. I heard about him, but never gave him the time, so i was happy to listen...to be honest anything was better than that fucking DJ at this point. Abstract Rude however being better than the DJ, was a disappointment. The beats were standard and his rhymes lacked creativity with the typical raps about weed and why he is better than then the next guy. Then about a half hour in, this amazing beat comes on, which has me totally surprised. Okay Abstract Rude's rhymes weren't gonna get any better but this beat was dope. I thought, this had to be the high point... Atmosphere has to be coming up next. "Thanks Abstract, for saving us from that DJ and giving us one decent song, NOW GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE SO WE CAM ENJOY SOME TRUE TALENT", i thought. But no. Every high point has to come back a low point right?, well... in my world it does. So Abstract Rude tortured us after his only good song with about 3 or 4 more painful tracks filled with every rap cliche known to man. After that and me desperately holding myself back from starting to drink, and not just to drink but drinking to get fucking shit face drunk. Atmosphere finally made it on stage with a full band in tow.
Normally i want my rap to the rap I'm used to. A bunch broke guys making beat and stealing amazing samples from a computer and turntable, That's it. The whole live band thing, wanna-be Roots like bullshit? Not really my thing. I wasn't sure whether i was gonna like this.
Was i ever wrong. I'm not sure if i was just hypnotised by Slug's rapping but all the beats sounded the same and as an added bonus instead of using the samples _like i normally like)they had a female vocalist there to do all the samples Live and She fucking rocked. I could go track by track, but i will not bore you guys. But he did play a great combination of my old favorites and new material, either way i was rapping along to every song and probley looked like an old juice head who is trying to relive his youth but fuck it, i didn't care. Plus i took position right behind probely the hottest wanna be gangster in the whole crowd and just enjoyed myself. Ultimately it was a great fucking show. All the garbage in the beginning was worth the wait.
Oh yeah. Of course the next day i finally got a couple messages on my myspace from kids who were at the show but were with there friends and couldn't say anything to me since they were closeted. I knew there had to be some.(to bad it wasn't the hot one i stood behind, damn James you cant have them all)

"Harlots of the Caribbean" review

Harlots of the Caribbean (2006)
AKA Bikini Pirates
AKA My day at the Pier

Nicole Sheridan ... Jill
Voodoo ... Dustin (as Alexandre Boisvert)
Beverly Lynne ... Susan
Randy Spears ... Joe
Evan Stone ... Captain Tygus
Rebecca Love ... Morganna the Pirate
Cassie Young ... Morganna's Captive

Did you know today was the last day to ride the Ferris wheel at the Santa Monica Pier? They’ve sold it on ebay to some guy in Oklahoma City. He says he’s going to put it in one of his suburban developments. A new Ferris wheel will be installed at the Pier soon but before the old one got broken down and shipped off, I thought I’d head down there and give it one last ride. Actually it’ll be my first and last ride as I have never been on it before.

So I hit the 3rd St. Promenade and walked toward the Pier. The Promenade begs the question, how many hustlers can I run into before making it to the Pier? I had headphones around my neck to discourage conversation but of course that didn’t stop the guy from asking me if I was looking to buy something? I smiled at him and kept going. I always smile. Remember this 3rd St. safety tip: Smile.

I made it to the Pier and headed toward the Ferris wheel.There was an Iraq war protest going on which looked interesting. Coffins and grave markers littered the Santa Monica beach.I took this as an ominous sign. But I had made it this far so I had to keep going. The line was a little long because everybody got to ride for free today. I put the headphones on and waited patiently.

I finally make it to the front of the line. Oh boy oh boy oh boy! As I’m getting on the Ferris wheel, Gary Busey walks off. That’s right. Mr. “Silver Bullet” himself walks off the Ferris wheel with a blonde woman. If this ride is good enough for Busey, it’s good enough for me. Busey, (in the white baseball cap), knows how to party.
You see, a Ferris wheel is a lot like a late night skin flick. It has its ups and downs. Sometimes it seems to drag on forever and you just want to get off as quickly as possible. Sometimes it leaves you hanging limp in the wind. And sometimes it gives you a beautiful view and you just want to soak it in forever.“Harlots of the Caribbean” is a Ferris wheel sex flick. Some scenes are worth soaking in while others need to end as soon as possible. Beverly Lynne and friends head to the countryside to have sex. They have an old pirate treasure map which tells them the best place to get naked. X marks the spot with S-E being right in front of the X. Make that XXX. Rebecca Love is the large breasted pirate queen who really wants to get laid. She gets her wish as everyone wants to walk her plank. Arrrh me hearty’s.

I love watching Beverly Lynne get laid. She just seems like a woman you could have a shot with. You know, someone you could hang out with and have some fun. Of course the Beverly Lynne of my fantasies could all be a lie. But what a sweet lie it is. Rebecca Love has the kind of all purpose body you could spend a few quality hours with. And I’m talking quality! Her scene with Nicole Sheridan at the end was the highlight of the movie.

There were some other sex scenes but there really not worth dwelling on. Nicole Sheridan looks and acts like the porn star she is. Nothing about her seems remotely real. Her scene in the shower made me want to jump overboard. But then again the last scene with Rebecca makes me want to sing YO-HO-HO and a bottle of rum! I don’t know why but it does. So if you’re looking for some late night fun with a few good panoramic views, “Harlots of the Caribbean” is not a bad ride.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 Ferris wheels

Goodbye!