In The Land Of Make Believe You Are Mine, In the Land Of Make Believe I'm Doing Fine

Well, i guess i have to write something since my last post was taken down.

So i just got back from a long weekend in Baltimore, yeah Baltimore of all places, and you would think i could have some peace, well apparently Baltimore has Erik Rhodes fans to.
Anyways,
I had mentioned in my last blog that i started using an anti-depressant called Effexor. Its not exactly what i was hoping for. Granted, i am not over thinking, but now it just feel like there is something missing. I kinda feel like I'm waiting for something that is just not coming, waiting for a climax, and then realizing that there is not going to be one. I guess the best way i can describe it is like waiting for your friend as he gets ready to go out, anticipating and excited, only to have him turn around and say, "you know what, i feel like staying in. you can go alone if you want".
I finding myself alot more confused. Walking back and forth in my apartment, about to do something, with no clue what that thing is, walking back and forth a little more in hopes I'll figure it out, until i stop myself and say "James, what the fuck are you doing". I have to physically tell myself, "okay your getting ready for the gym". It so strange. Its like my brain is fighting me. I find that its making me get to the gym later and later.

On a positive note, i have met someone new... Granted its kinda fresh and I'm not sure where its going, but being able to hold someone i really like at night has been leaving a huge smile on my face.
I guess what is shocking about this new kid is that, i made the first move, i made the request to see him again, i am making this work, i am taking charge and getting what i want... This person is not me. My confidence normally is about equal to a 13 year old girl band geek with braces, glasses and rocks out on the xylophone. I guess I'm just tired of waiting for someone to approach me. I'm sure if i kept waiting I'd still be bitching. I'm tired of life passing me by.

* Thank You to the piece of shit that ratted out my blog for posting the free music I left in my last blog. I'm gonna post a new compilation soon without writing the track list, so anyone that's interested, just needs to send me a message on myspace for the track list and I'll avoid any copy write infringement. SO FUCK YOU, i win.

* Thanks to The Sword (www.thesword.com) for making me #14 on the sword 100. http://thesword.com/index.php/cultureschlock/1582-selections-from-the-sword-100.html.
I swear every time an new young fag emails me and says, "hey erik, i tried GHB last night because of you"... I say to myself, "damn it, James, your making a change inn this world!"


Turn the Television off...