The Replacement

I have been avoiding my old life so long that writing this right now is giving me anxiety. Flashbacks of a life once lost.

Well, again, the only reason i'm here is cuz i feel alone and yeah i'm pretty damn upset, depressed, alone, whatever. Things have been pretty good. Yes i still have my bipoloar freak outs every now and again but i have been working through them and even more impressive, i have been surpressing the more trivial episodes. But tonight, i wanted to run away...

Now as much as i want to go into details, i have choosen to try and be as vague as possible, just to avoid pleasing the certain people that thrive on others peoples misery... Anyways, the best i can do is just name this blog "The Replacement". It is the name to the way i feel and the life i refuse to lead.
I guess it just hurts when i have done the best at starting a new life and having a whole new frame of mind only to worry if the people around me are the same as they were before me or are they on a new page like i am. I guess i have a hard time trying to pretend i am, was, and have only been the best part in someones life. I think i like to pretend that when i meet someone that they never had a life before the second they meet me. I'm selfish, i know. I validate that thought as i sit here alone. But aren't you allowed to be selfish when your life seems as lonely as this... hmmmm.

Well, i don't think i'm selfish, i only think in the terms of "US" now. And yeah i'm selfish for us. I only see one person now and nothing else has exsisted, i feel like i dont have a past, i do, but i have done the best at forgeting every second of it. And i find it hard to feel that in return. I feel like a punchingbag alot of the time. I guess i'm just a replacement.

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