"Lady Chatterly's Ghost" review

Lady Chatterly's Ghost

Director: Fred Olen Ray

Writer: Fred Olen Ray

Vanessa Brink ... Sophia
Jessie Lunderby ... Connie
Nick Manning ... Keith
Holly Sampson ... Sandra
Randy Spears ... Charles

Holly Sampson is in love with ghosts. She's reading Lady Chatterley's Lover and she's horny for the classics. Her husband introduces her to a blonde woman who may be the possessed spirit of Lady Chatterly. Or is she an earthly manifestation of the book? Ahh, who cares? All I know is that there was a lot of mediocre bumping and grinding going on in this late night skin flick. Lady Chatterly would be ashamed.

"Lady Chatterly's Ghost" is a dud. The ghost is rolling over in her grave at having to endure this softcore misfire. There is not one good sex scene in this movie. Holly Sampson shows up as the main character and I was hoping she was going to show us some of her Tiger Woods magic. Was she a mistress of Woods or just a one-time fling of his? Ahh, who cares? All I know is that she was bragging about bagging Woods and I wanted to see her carnal skills in action. I must say I was disappointed. Although I don't blame Woods for wanting Holly for himself. She is quite lovely even if this movie doesn't let her show off her erotic expertise.

Every sex scene in "Lady Chatterly's Ghost" is shooting blanks. There was only one scene that held any promise. Jessie Lunderby, (The Ghost), is having sex with another woman on a couch. Lunderby, (who gives an incredible monotone performance), doesn't have a clue what she's doing. As Lunderby lies on her back, the woman goes in to lick her breasts. So far so good. But Lunderby cannot keep her hands to herself and keeps touching the woman's hair over and over again. She is clearly breaking lesbian porn rule 101: Never let the performers hair get in the way of the shot. The woman keeps moving Lunderby's hand away but Lunderby cannot stop touching her freaking hair. At the end of the scene, the woman is making love to Lunderby's rear end just so she can keep some distance from Lunderby's hands. It's no use as Lunderby reaches back to touch her head again. I don't know what Lunderby's obsession is with hair but it was obviously disconcerting to her partner and to me as well.

There isn't anything interesting, stimulating or erotic about "Lady Chatterly's Ghost". This ghost needs to find eternal rest and stop haunting late night cable. Although I hope that Holly Sampson shows up in some more of these movies. I have a feeling she can show us how potent her sex magic can be. If it's good enough for Tiger Woods, it's good enough for me.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 Holly's Woods