"Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" review

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011)

Director: Mary Lambert
Writer: Naomi L. Selfman

Deborah Gibson ... Dr. Nikki Riley
Tiffany ... Terry O'Hara
A Martinez ... Dr. Diego Ortiz
Kathryn Joosten ... Angie
Kevin M. Horton ... RJ Cupelli
Carey Van Dyke ... Justin

Giant gators and pythons are attacking and only 80's pop stars can save the day. Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are ready to go to war in the Everglades to answer the trivia question of which 80's pop singers appeared in a movie with Gatoroids? Debbie, (or is it Deborah?), Gibson is a kooky environmentalist who releases pythons into the wild. The local ecosystem cannot handle the pressure so Sheriff Tiffany pumps up the gators with steroids. Hence, they become Gatoroids. Pythons eat steroid-saturated Gatoroids and become Mega Pythons. Gibson and Tiffany will have to combine their powers if there is any hope of saving humanity from these ridiculous CGI creatures.


"Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" finally lets me ask the question I've been wanting to ask for years. At last, a chance to ponder one of life's great mysteries. No, I'm not wondering about who would win in a battle of Mega Pythons vs Gatoroids. No one cares about that. I am curious about the only aspect of this movie that is worth thinking about. The one aspect of this movie that the filmmakers exploited brilliantly. That is, who would you rather have sex with, Tiffany or Debbie Gibson?


Now this is a tough question. One shouldn't rush to judgment here. On the one hand, Debbie has the innocent persona, (don't know if it's true but for ridiculous arguments sake let's say it is), the blonde svelte look and overall hotness. Tiffany, on the other hand, has grown up to be a voluptuous vixen. What I mean is, she has amazing breasts. She was the best special effect in "Mega Python vs Gatoroid". The filmmakers kept her cleavage displayed in almost every scene she was in and I was astounded each time.


Before watching this movie, I was sure the answer to my carnal question was going to be Debbie Gibson. But I'm going to have to go with Tiffany. (It's OK Debbie. Dry your eyes.) Tiffany is my kind of woman. I was staring at her bountiful harvest throughout most of the movie. She made every scene she was in better by embracing the B-movie standard of breasts excellence. Gibson is a little too thin for my tastes. Frankly, she needs to eat a cheeseburger or two. Gibson needs to take a break from Pilates and head to In-N-Out. She'll need the carbs if she's going to battle Gatoroids.


As for the movie, it was a typical cheesy monster movie. If Tiffany and Gibson weren't in it, it would not be worth talking about. The only redeeming part of this movie is the battle royale between Tiffany and Gibson near the end. Gibson and Tiffany have a food fight/wrestling match during a party in which whipped cream and other substances are rubbed over each other. This was a fine B-movie moment. The filmmakers also deserve some points for dropping references to Gibsons and Tiffany's songs. It makes me want to sing a Debbie Gibson song now. Would I get a chance to forgo my carnal question and just have a three-way with the 80's ladies? As Debbie would say, Only in my dreams...


SCORE: 2 out of 4 80's ladies