"I got an idea: You should get a tattoo that says "Warning"
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left and save breath,
And avoid you, sober and upset in the morning" ~ Atmosphere
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Warning
"I got an idea: You should get a tattoo that says "Warning"
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left and save breath,
And avoid you, sober and upset in the morning" ~ Atmosphere
Monday, July 28, 2008
NEW PORN RULES!
NEW PORN RULE!
MAX HARDCORE MUST STOP USING THESE GIRLS NOW!
These two women in question Layla Riviera and Catalina Cruz have many things in common. They're both whores, they both drink piss and puke on themselves for a living, they both work almost exclusively for Max Hardcore and they're both probably dead inside.
However these two piss whores have a few other things common that apparentely is not evident to Max Hardcore. They are both incredibly fucking
ugly and both have incredibly bad boob jobs.Now I understand that it's hard get quality girls to do that type of stuff with Max, but come on! Can we get some women that at least don't look like Tijuana street hookers. I can name at least 20 girls Max has used that are betting looking then these 2 brutes. Taylor Rain, Courtney Simpson, Hillary Scott, Anne Harlow, Molly to name a few. But come to think of it. Max doesn't seem like the type of guy that thinks things through....
Are you "That Gay Guy"
So i stole this idea from this months Details magazine. The Article was called "Are you that guy" So i choose to make the gay version. Here is the first 30 that popped in my head. Please feel free to add your own...
"You know him. You roll your eyes at him everyday. But if your guilty of any of the following behavioral blunders, chances other fags are rolling their eyes at you..."
1. You have a lower back tatoo (aka tramp stamp)
2. You schdule your weekend around what DJ is spinning at what club
3. You are a Drag Queen and a strict top
4. You start wearing wifebeaters to the gym the second you start using steroids
5. You use a special comb to brush your eyebrows
6. You still drink apple martinis
7. You are extremely hot with a hideous boyfriend
8. You have douche hose in your shower, that never comes down
9. You use the term "Bro"
10. You use the term "Fierce"
11. You are a stict top with insufficient equipment
12. You have only female friends that you drag everywhere you go
13. You wear Jeans, short shorts or fetish gear at the gym.
14. You try to convince everyone your Manhunt account is to hopefully find a long term relationship
15. You look like powder and only date black men
16. You wear color contacts
17. You dye your hair blond when you are in your 40's
18. You refer to yourself as masculine and set off everyones Gaydar
19. You call people "papi"
20. You are Republican
21. You choose to go see "Mama Mia" over seeing "The Dark Knight"
22. You cover the walls of your partment with pictures of the male form
23. You have "muscle", "hung", or your penis size somewhere in your screenname
24. You are a stict bottom that has never douched and say "don't worry, i'm always clean"
25. You didn't realize your BF was a porn star or escort until after you broke up with them
26. You shop at Ambercrobie and Fitch in your 40's
27. You are a cheerleader
28. You dress in 80's fashion and consider yourself fashion forward
29. You use the gym to prepare for your "So You Think You Can Dance" and "American Idol" auditions.
30. You are a porn star that writes a blog to express your feelings
"You know him. You roll your eyes at him everyday. But if your guilty of any of the following behavioral blunders, chances other fags are rolling their eyes at you..."
1. You have a lower back tatoo (aka tramp stamp)
2. You schdule your weekend around what DJ is spinning at what club
3. You are a Drag Queen and a strict top
4. You start wearing wifebeaters to the gym the second you start using steroids
5. You use a special comb to brush your eyebrows
6. You still drink apple martinis
7. You are extremely hot with a hideous boyfriend
8. You have douche hose in your shower, that never comes down
9. You use the term "Bro"
10. You use the term "Fierce"
11. You are a stict top with insufficient equipment
12. You have only female friends that you drag everywhere you go
13. You wear Jeans, short shorts or fetish gear at the gym.
14. You try to convince everyone your Manhunt account is to hopefully find a long term relationship
15. You look like powder and only date black men
16. You wear color contacts
17. You dye your hair blond when you are in your 40's
18. You refer to yourself as masculine and set off everyones Gaydar
19. You call people "papi"
20. You are Republican
21. You choose to go see "Mama Mia" over seeing "The Dark Knight"
22. You cover the walls of your partment with pictures of the male form
23. You have "muscle", "hung", or your penis size somewhere in your screenname
24. You are a stict bottom that has never douched and say "don't worry, i'm always clean"
25. You didn't realize your BF was a porn star or escort until after you broke up with them
26. You shop at Ambercrobie and Fitch in your 40's
27. You are a cheerleader
28. You dress in 80's fashion and consider yourself fashion forward
29. You use the gym to prepare for your "So You Think You Can Dance" and "American Idol" auditions.
30. You are a porn star that writes a blog to express your feelings
Saturday, July 19, 2008
NEW PORN RULE! KATJA KISSEN
NEW PORN RULE
KATJA KISSAN IS A FUCKING IDIOT!!!
Why in the world do these dumb fucks alter their fucking bodies beyond recognition? Let's make something clear. None of Katjas fans watch her scenes because of her tits. They watch her scenes because her ass is the size of Montana and she takes it in her shit hole like a fucking champ. Now every time I see her on screen I have to look at that nasty fucking boob job. Why do these broads think it will help. Like I said before rarely does a porn star benefit from a boob job. Hillary Scott is a prime example of someone that did, because prior to her tit job her natural tits looked like flap jacks. I'll never watch one of her (Katja) new scenes again.
NEWS FLASH!!! YOU WANT TO SPICE UP YOUR CAREER? START DOING A SEX ACT YOU WOULDN'T DO NORMALLY LIKE DRINKING PISS!! OR ROUGH BLOW JOBS.... WHAT YOU DON'T DO IS CHANGE THE PHYSICAL APPEARANCE OF YOUR BODY AND ALIENATE ALL YOU FANS. I HATE GIANNA. BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE HER SPICE THINGS UP BY GETTING A BREAST REDUCTION....
DUMB DUMB....
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Stealing last breath
My 4th of July.
So staying true to my fitting in with the gay world. I spent my 4th of July on Fire Island.
I would have to say the most fun i had on the island was when i just arrived and felt the need to break the ice at my friends timeshare by choosing to steal one of the drag queens wigs and sun dresses and transformed myself into B. Arther on steroids. I'm not sure what it is but i seem to get a kick out of dressing like an ugly bitch when I'm sober. Maybe I'm slowly finding my calling after porn as the ugliest drag queen this world has ever seen. Just a thought. lol.
Of course, after this the drug came out and that's right when everything got boring. (Mental Note).
We did all the parties... high tea, low tea, middle tea, up/down tea, around the bend tea, sideways tea, blow my fucking brains out tea. Basically its just the same party that moves to different place on the island. Because its an island, its all the same people are going to everything, yet you anticipate each party to hopefully be prettier then the last, only to find out, HOLY SHIT, ITS ALL THE SAME FUCKING PEOPLE. You either lower your standards or you do alot of drugs. I chose the drugs. But hey, it was the 4th of July and the only way you can show how much you care about your country is by getting as fucked up as possible and by blowing shit up right? well I was feeling it this year!
The worst part of going to fire island is the close to 2 hour trip home. I regrettably accepted a car ride home from a friend instead of taking the train. About 10 mins into the ride on the long island expressway, i quickly was sobered up and almost started to have a panic attack and realized how much hate long car rides. Its not that i don't trust the driver, well never mind, i don't trust the driver and i don't trust anyone driving around me either. I always picture dying in a "Final Destination" like car crash. The fact that he had a convertible and chose to drive the whole way home with the top down only enhanced my visions of a violent death. Something like the car flipping over and scrapping my face off before sliding to a stop. I thought "well this won't be dying on the couch because an overdoes like you always hoped but at least it will all be over". I was comforted for a moment with the thought yet couldn't stop using my fake emergency brake for the rest of the ride.
I woke up this morning feeling like shit and i instantly called my dealer. All he had was Crystal and as much as i hate doing crystal, i agreed to buying some. I thought fuck it. I'll just get high all day and take some sleeping pills when i crash and we'll pretend this day never existed.
Thankfully i had a half hour before he got here and my better judgement kicked in. I looked at myself in the mirror and said to myself " you know your just going to waste this, you work to hard to look like this to throw it away" Of course i didn't have the balls to call my dealer and say fuck it. So i let him come to my place and ring my buzzer for 20 mins before he finally gave up and left. Sucks for him.
I always do this, its kinda like a kid being denied candy. He eats all he can while his mothers back is turned and then gets sick from it. Then when he has the chance to do it again he doesn't cuz he knows what will happen. The same happens to me... i have my fill and then say...no more. That where i am now. Its not like I'm even having fun anymore, I'm just doing it. I'm getting more depressed and i don't wanna live like this.
I'm tired of trying to fit in. I don't wanna fit in.
Its time to take a break from drugs for awhile and I'm gonna try and find someone to fill this void. Yeah I'm co dependant, who cares. At least i wont be doing drugs. I am a fucking Twin, i was built to be with someone and that's what i need. At least that's how i feel right now.
So staying true to my fitting in with the gay world. I spent my 4th of July on Fire Island.
I would have to say the most fun i had on the island was when i just arrived and felt the need to break the ice at my friends timeshare by choosing to steal one of the drag queens wigs and sun dresses and transformed myself into B. Arther on steroids. I'm not sure what it is but i seem to get a kick out of dressing like an ugly bitch when I'm sober. Maybe I'm slowly finding my calling after porn as the ugliest drag queen this world has ever seen. Just a thought. lol.
Of course, after this the drug came out and that's right when everything got boring. (Mental Note).
We did all the parties... high tea, low tea, middle tea, up/down tea, around the bend tea, sideways tea, blow my fucking brains out tea. Basically its just the same party that moves to different place on the island. Because its an island, its all the same people are going to everything, yet you anticipate each party to hopefully be prettier then the last, only to find out, HOLY SHIT, ITS ALL THE SAME FUCKING PEOPLE. You either lower your standards or you do alot of drugs. I chose the drugs. But hey, it was the 4th of July and the only way you can show how much you care about your country is by getting as fucked up as possible and by blowing shit up right? well I was feeling it this year!
The worst part of going to fire island is the close to 2 hour trip home. I regrettably accepted a car ride home from a friend instead of taking the train. About 10 mins into the ride on the long island expressway, i quickly was sobered up and almost started to have a panic attack and realized how much hate long car rides. Its not that i don't trust the driver, well never mind, i don't trust the driver and i don't trust anyone driving around me either. I always picture dying in a "Final Destination" like car crash. The fact that he had a convertible and chose to drive the whole way home with the top down only enhanced my visions of a violent death. Something like the car flipping over and scrapping my face off before sliding to a stop. I thought "well this won't be dying on the couch because an overdoes like you always hoped but at least it will all be over". I was comforted for a moment with the thought yet couldn't stop using my fake emergency brake for the rest of the ride.
I woke up this morning feeling like shit and i instantly called my dealer. All he had was Crystal and as much as i hate doing crystal, i agreed to buying some. I thought fuck it. I'll just get high all day and take some sleeping pills when i crash and we'll pretend this day never existed.
Thankfully i had a half hour before he got here and my better judgement kicked in. I looked at myself in the mirror and said to myself " you know your just going to waste this, you work to hard to look like this to throw it away" Of course i didn't have the balls to call my dealer and say fuck it. So i let him come to my place and ring my buzzer for 20 mins before he finally gave up and left. Sucks for him.
I always do this, its kinda like a kid being denied candy. He eats all he can while his mothers back is turned and then gets sick from it. Then when he has the chance to do it again he doesn't cuz he knows what will happen. The same happens to me... i have my fill and then say...no more. That where i am now. Its not like I'm even having fun anymore, I'm just doing it. I'm getting more depressed and i don't wanna live like this.
I'm tired of trying to fit in. I don't wanna fit in.
Its time to take a break from drugs for awhile and I'm gonna try and find someone to fill this void. Yeah I'm co dependant, who cares. At least i wont be doing drugs. I am a fucking Twin, i was built to be with someone and that's what i need. At least that's how i feel right now.
Friday, July 4, 2008
"An Erotic Werewolf in London" review
An Erotic Werewolf in London (2006)Director: William Hellfire
Misty Mundae ... Misty
Anoushka ... Anoushka the Werewolf
Darian Caine ... Nurse Nancy
Julian Wells ... Nurse Carla
Zoe Moonshine ... Zoe the Reporter
Ruby Larocca ... Ruby (as Ruby LaRocca)
Linda Murray ... Anoushka's Neighbor
Misty Mundae ... Misty
Anoushka ... Anoushka the Werewolf
Darian Caine ... Nurse Nancy
Julian Wells ... Nurse Carla
Zoe Moonshine ... Zoe the Reporter
Ruby Larocca ... Ruby (as Ruby LaRocca)
Linda Murray ... Anoushka's Neighbor
Ahh, "The Erotic Werewolf in London". Truly, an important film. A film that needs to be thoroughly analyzed for it's immense contribution to cinema. Oh wait, did I say film? Because I meant garbage. Oh man, what a stinker. Something smells rotten and I think it's this movie. I can't put my finger on when the movie fell apart but it was somewhere around the time I hit the play button. Oh yeah, that was it. Now I remember. SINGING: Memories...Misty, (Mundae), water colored memories...of the way this movie stinks...
Of course one would be foolish to expect anything else from a movie called the "Erotic Werewolf in London". I've been known to be foolish and I was expecting a little more. Not that I'm upset that the movie was a pathetic joke mind you. At this point I expect this level of quality, (low), from the Seduction Cinema people. But the fact that they have been sitting on this movie for years, (That's years. Years! It takes them this long to hatch a rotten egg?), leaves me vaguely offended at the level of contempt they show for B-movie making. What kind of tinkering are the mad Seduction scientists doing in their lesbian laboratory? Hmmm... "Igor! Dig up some more hot babes! What does it have to do with werewolves? What kind of stupid question is that you insolent worm?! Screw the werewolf! Bring on the cheap sex! MOO-HA-HA!"
So a bunch of Seduction babes got together for some random sex scenes. Years later the filmmakers decided to pretend they care by stapling the movie together and shoving it in a DVD box. There was something about a werewolf but I lost interest in the movie as quickly as the director did. Here's what I remember: Misty Mundae gets bit by Anoushka after some sapphic action and proceeds to sloooowly turn into a semblance of a werewolf. Julian Wells and Darian Caine show up for some half hearted sex scenes with Misty Werewolf. Then there's a British reporter checking on werewolf stories and some other stuff and ahh who cares?
As pathetic as this movie is, I can still find two good things to say about it. One, there were a lot of naked women in it which saves it from the landfill. Two, the sex scene between Anoushka and Mundae at the beginning was pretty good so that scores it a point and a half. But that's all the praise I can muster for this one. If you get this movie for any reason other than the Anoushka/Mundae coupling at the beginning, you'll be using the DVD for target practice. They even had yet another sex scene between Julian Wells and Mundae and managed to blow it. The Mundae/Wells sex scenes are probably the best thing about Seduction Cinema. (For a truly satisfying night with Julian, get "The Seduction of Misty Mundae" I can't praise that movie enough.) As far as "Erotic Werewolf in London", it's a waste of sweet Julian.
Maybe that's what bums me out more than anything. According to the IMDb, this appears to be the last hurrah for Ms. Julian Wells and her lesbian adventures. I wanted to go out with a better one than this flea bitten mutt of a movie but it was not to be. Oh well. We had some good times. SINGING: Memories, Misty (Mundae) water colored memories, of Misty kissing Julian...
SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 werebabes
SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 werebabes
And here's my ode to Julian Wells. She has helped me be a better reviewer. Seriously. It's the B-movie babes that keep me going and she was one of the best. She has inspired me to keep writing reviews of B-movies. Thanks for being in so many of them. We had some laughs. Well, at least I did. Here's my montage of Julian.
Ahh, Julian and Misty. Truly a great sight to behold. The highlight of many a dire Seduction Cinema flick.
See what I mean?
Mmm mmm good. "The Seduction of Misty Mundae" represents everything that is good in softcore cinema. A must see.
Julian As Aunt Inga. I only wish she was called Aunt Ilsa.
Julian put her long legs to good effect in "Sexy American Idle". She was fairly amusing in this one.
Speaking of legs, there was plenty of feet action in "Pleasures of a Woman". One of Julian's kinkier movies. There's is also a decent sex scene with Syn De Vil in this one. 
Julian showed up as Dr. Babe in "Shock-O-Rama". Yes, she will let down her hair and take off her glasses at some point. Some point real soon...
Another hot doctor for Julian was in "Dr Jeckyl and Mistress Hyde". One of her better Misty make out movies. 
Julian as the sleazy gold digger in "Skin Crawl". A decent B-flick about skin and crawling and grown women in school girl outfits.
Julian brought her super babe power to "Spiderbabe". 
And I mean power! WOO-HOO! 
Julian and Misty. Real power. As close to a sure bet for a good time as there is. We had some fun. Well, at least I did.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
My Gay Pride part 1 and part 2.
I'm so sick and tired of censoring myself to please the readers of this blog, So fuck it I'm just not anymore.
My Gay Pride.
I really went out of my way this year.
I started the week off hanging out with a couple good friends at B-Bar on Tuesday night. I'm not normally they type of guy who hangs out during the week but my friend Derrek persuaded me. Well it wasn't that hard. It being Gay pride in NYC i knew that there would be tons of hot out of townees looking for a good time, well fuck it, i wanted to be that good time.
Anyways, of course i was taking G, my favorite current crutch and it seemed the more i got fucked up the more guys wanted to hook up with me. At one point when i felt like i was going to pass out, i went to rest on a wall outside. I chose a spot right next to a really hot guy, who just by chance felt like he was in the mood to suck a really fucked up guys dick. Well i was in no condition to say No. I stumbled into the bathroom with him and went to work on his face. He was the first of three guys to blow me in the bathroom that night. Until my friend showed up...
I call him "Cock Block Extraordinaire". As soon as he shows up and starts hanging around me is as soon as no one comes near me. I didn't realize this until this weekend. I'm not sure if it is his over the top personality or if people think we are going out but all i know is that i more than likely could have gotten 10 hot out of towners to blow me in the bathroom if he hadn't shown up. Well, you could imagine i chose not to call this friend to hang out with me the rest of the weekend.
Thursday night. I went to a friends party at Universal Gear. Universal Gear is this clothing store that is in the heart of Chelsea. Even though the store Carries the same Diesel and G-Star cloths as any of the major retailers i would never shop there because of the location. It makes the cloths seem to gay. Anyways, it was kinda lame but kinda fun at the same time. I hung out with good friends who got drunk in the middle of the store as i personally felt like a drug addict since i was drinking my now famous "G-tini" in the middle of a clothing store party, a fucking clothing store party!!! Pretty Pathetic.
After the party was over i spent the rest of the night waiting for a dealer to drop off some coke so that i had some more drugs for the rest of the long weekend. yeah yeah yeah, judge me all you want.
I guess the highlight of the night was running into my crush from LA that was here for pride. He always seems happy to see me, yet, i don't think he really gives a shit about me. I guess that's what i get for having a crush on a player.
Friday night. The Worst night of the weekend.
I started the night out by hanging at a friends house party. There i was extremely creeped out when one of the fucked up guests confessed to me that i broke his heart. He said that he and bumped into me on the street one day with my BF and from there became obsessed. He said that when he went home to where ever he lived that he told all his friends about me and that he was in love. He said that since he never saw me again that he was heart broken, but he was happy that i was at this party and that it must be fate. I find it incredible that someone who seemed pretty normal could make up such a sick obsession and fantasy world in there head. I made my friends keep him away from me the rest of the night. I did more g and forgot we even had the conversation, hopefully he doesnt kill himself.
My other highlight from that night before it all went downhill was my friend who was throwing the house party coming over to me and saying "I hate most of these fags from our gym, what are they doing in my home". To which i laugh pretty hard about and told him i hate most of them also. We both decided the only thing we could do was go to the bathroom and snort some more Jesus. I was calling it jesus since i think everytime i came out of the bathroom i would get a look from the guests " like what are you doing in there". I said told them "i'm sorry i took so long, i was reading the bible while i was taking shit" Me and Jesus were best friends that night. Well at least before he dissapeared.
From the house party we went to NYC's biggest tourist trap club called Splash. This is where the night goes wrong. I don't remember much except seeing my crush again who seemed completely uninterested in me and doing alot of G because if it.
Fast forward to waking up in the clubs office by one of the bouncers throwing a cup of cold water in my face. Apparently i passed out in one of the bathroom stales and was found by Falcon model TJ Hawke, who i threw up on before the bouncers dragged me into the office. The bouncers helped me outside and got me into a cab.
Fast Forward to waking up in my bed with my ex bf yelling at me that he was calling the cops if i didn't get out of bed and go to the hospital. I have no clue how he was in my apartment but he, my neighbor from my building, his girl friend along with one of my friends were all arguing about what to do with me. I was in shock with all of this going on around me. Next thing i know, there is 4 cops in my apartment questioning me. All i remember is them asking me "what is today's date" and i thought to myself... "Jesus, i don't know what the date is normally, what the fuck make you think I'm gonna know what day it is now" I responded "i have no clue." Then we had to wait for paramedics to get there to evaluate me.
When they got there they seemed annoyed i wasn't passed out on the floor, foaming at the mouth. I explained the situation and the guy didn't answer me and just left my apartment. I felt like screaming at him saying "motherfucker, I'm not the one wasting your time, i didn't want you here, i wish i was sleeping also".
It was a fucking circus.
All i could think is that if i died this night it would have been perfect. I had no clue what was going on. Who wants to stare a gun right in the face? Its much easier if you turn off the light and you dont see it coming. It would have felt like i was just going to sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2
Saturday
I woke up feeling like shit. It honestly all felt like a dream.
It took awhile for me to get myself moving again, but i was back at the gym later that day. Since it was gay pride and David Barton is like a gay night club during the day it was like my night never ended. With all the shameless tourists in town, I must have given my number out to at least 6 guys which is a personal all time high. I thought to myself, its amazing so many people want my numbers when i feel and think, i look like a G'ed out mess. I guess i do a better job playing it off than i think.
Later that night, i had to work the Manhunt party that was at HK Lounge. I was asked to do it last minute and basically had to stand around and sign autographs for people that i think felt bad for me more than actually caring about a getting a signed pic from me. Maybe they did? I still cant grasp the concept of collecting porn star autographs. I don't have any talent... i just fuck in front of a camera... whatever.
Anyways, i hung out with Steve Cruz and Falcon Model TJ Hawke. TJ who was with me the night before helped me recount some what happened. He told me i scared him. To which i replied "You are not the first Falcon model i have scared". I think Roman Heart still likes to go around telling people the story of where he thought i was going to kill him. Everyone gets one, and most of the time they are really fun to tell your friends when it over, you just have to survive them.
This night i tried to get back into my G state of mind but just like a bad night of drinking to much of a certain alcohol, the taste made me sick. So instead i turned my attention to coke. She took care of me. Ambien put me to sleep.
Sunday and Bump woke me up.
It was time for the parade. Thank god i wasn't in it this year. I just wanted to be able to walk away from it when i had enough of it. But believe it or not, i had so much fun. I think its better to watch then to have to be the one trying to please the viewers. Even though i was not in the mood to be Erik Rhodes today it was unavoidable. Just walking through the crowd i was asked to take endless pictures. Each one as much as i really wasn't in the mood to do, I put my signature half ass smile on and and tried to please everyone as much as it didn't please me. My friend even said to me, "i don't know how you do it, don't you ever just wanna scream leave me alone". And i do, but i figure, what if i was the fan and all i wanted was a picture, and the person says NO for whatever reason... your whole image of that person would change. I think i am way to over hated as is to turn down anyone, I'm not better than anyone, fuck I'm so happy that anyone wants my picture to begin with. Still G and a couple bumps got me threw it alittle easier.
From the parade a couple friends and i went to the pier Dance. This being my first time. I would have to admit that i was in awe of all the beautiful men. So i really let loose. I actually fucking danced. Well, not really, more like a 2 step/ muscle shuffle. I hung out with the hottest of the hot and made out with enough beautiful guys that a normal person would have had his fill for over a year. And when the night was coming to an end, i think god said, you deserve this and gave me one of the prettiest guys i have been with in a long time, with a gifuckingnourmous cock to match. It was like god and i made a deal... if i didn't die before the weekend was out i was going to be blessed with an incredible hot guy to end my weekend with. Well thank you fucking Jebus.
All in all it was a good time.
But yes.... here we go...
I do have a problem. I have a problem with drugs and i am addicted to sex. I need to slow down. I would never want to date a guy like me, a guy like i was over this weekend. Guys like me make me sick. Funny right?
I don't like myself and I'm not sure what its gonna take to change. I wanna say i wish i had someone in my life that could straighten me out, but what the fuck am i offering? "Hey date me please, I will ruin your life!". Something will wake me up... I'm sure...
I'm sure.
My Gay Pride.
I really went out of my way this year.
I started the week off hanging out with a couple good friends at B-Bar on Tuesday night. I'm not normally they type of guy who hangs out during the week but my friend Derrek persuaded me. Well it wasn't that hard. It being Gay pride in NYC i knew that there would be tons of hot out of townees looking for a good time, well fuck it, i wanted to be that good time.
Anyways, of course i was taking G, my favorite current crutch and it seemed the more i got fucked up the more guys wanted to hook up with me. At one point when i felt like i was going to pass out, i went to rest on a wall outside. I chose a spot right next to a really hot guy, who just by chance felt like he was in the mood to suck a really fucked up guys dick. Well i was in no condition to say No. I stumbled into the bathroom with him and went to work on his face. He was the first of three guys to blow me in the bathroom that night. Until my friend showed up...
I call him "Cock Block Extraordinaire". As soon as he shows up and starts hanging around me is as soon as no one comes near me. I didn't realize this until this weekend. I'm not sure if it is his over the top personality or if people think we are going out but all i know is that i more than likely could have gotten 10 hot out of towners to blow me in the bathroom if he hadn't shown up. Well, you could imagine i chose not to call this friend to hang out with me the rest of the weekend.
Thursday night. I went to a friends party at Universal Gear. Universal Gear is this clothing store that is in the heart of Chelsea. Even though the store Carries the same Diesel and G-Star cloths as any of the major retailers i would never shop there because of the location. It makes the cloths seem to gay. Anyways, it was kinda lame but kinda fun at the same time. I hung out with good friends who got drunk in the middle of the store as i personally felt like a drug addict since i was drinking my now famous "G-tini" in the middle of a clothing store party, a fucking clothing store party!!! Pretty Pathetic.
After the party was over i spent the rest of the night waiting for a dealer to drop off some coke so that i had some more drugs for the rest of the long weekend. yeah yeah yeah, judge me all you want.
I guess the highlight of the night was running into my crush from LA that was here for pride. He always seems happy to see me, yet, i don't think he really gives a shit about me. I guess that's what i get for having a crush on a player.
Friday night. The Worst night of the weekend.
I started the night out by hanging at a friends house party. There i was extremely creeped out when one of the fucked up guests confessed to me that i broke his heart. He said that he and bumped into me on the street one day with my BF and from there became obsessed. He said that when he went home to where ever he lived that he told all his friends about me and that he was in love. He said that since he never saw me again that he was heart broken, but he was happy that i was at this party and that it must be fate. I find it incredible that someone who seemed pretty normal could make up such a sick obsession and fantasy world in there head. I made my friends keep him away from me the rest of the night. I did more g and forgot we even had the conversation, hopefully he doesnt kill himself.
My other highlight from that night before it all went downhill was my friend who was throwing the house party coming over to me and saying "I hate most of these fags from our gym, what are they doing in my home". To which i laugh pretty hard about and told him i hate most of them also. We both decided the only thing we could do was go to the bathroom and snort some more Jesus. I was calling it jesus since i think everytime i came out of the bathroom i would get a look from the guests " like what are you doing in there". I said told them "i'm sorry i took so long, i was reading the bible while i was taking shit" Me and Jesus were best friends that night. Well at least before he dissapeared.
From the house party we went to NYC's biggest tourist trap club called Splash. This is where the night goes wrong. I don't remember much except seeing my crush again who seemed completely uninterested in me and doing alot of G because if it.
Fast forward to waking up in the clubs office by one of the bouncers throwing a cup of cold water in my face. Apparently i passed out in one of the bathroom stales and was found by Falcon model TJ Hawke, who i threw up on before the bouncers dragged me into the office. The bouncers helped me outside and got me into a cab.
Fast Forward to waking up in my bed with my ex bf yelling at me that he was calling the cops if i didn't get out of bed and go to the hospital. I have no clue how he was in my apartment but he, my neighbor from my building, his girl friend along with one of my friends were all arguing about what to do with me. I was in shock with all of this going on around me. Next thing i know, there is 4 cops in my apartment questioning me. All i remember is them asking me "what is today's date" and i thought to myself... "Jesus, i don't know what the date is normally, what the fuck make you think I'm gonna know what day it is now" I responded "i have no clue." Then we had to wait for paramedics to get there to evaluate me.
When they got there they seemed annoyed i wasn't passed out on the floor, foaming at the mouth. I explained the situation and the guy didn't answer me and just left my apartment. I felt like screaming at him saying "motherfucker, I'm not the one wasting your time, i didn't want you here, i wish i was sleeping also".
It was a fucking circus.
All i could think is that if i died this night it would have been perfect. I had no clue what was going on. Who wants to stare a gun right in the face? Its much easier if you turn off the light and you dont see it coming. It would have felt like i was just going to sleep.
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Part 2
Saturday
I woke up feeling like shit. It honestly all felt like a dream.
It took awhile for me to get myself moving again, but i was back at the gym later that day. Since it was gay pride and David Barton is like a gay night club during the day it was like my night never ended. With all the shameless tourists in town, I must have given my number out to at least 6 guys which is a personal all time high. I thought to myself, its amazing so many people want my numbers when i feel and think, i look like a G'ed out mess. I guess i do a better job playing it off than i think.
Later that night, i had to work the Manhunt party that was at HK Lounge. I was asked to do it last minute and basically had to stand around and sign autographs for people that i think felt bad for me more than actually caring about a getting a signed pic from me. Maybe they did? I still cant grasp the concept of collecting porn star autographs. I don't have any talent... i just fuck in front of a camera... whatever.
Anyways, i hung out with Steve Cruz and Falcon Model TJ Hawke. TJ who was with me the night before helped me recount some what happened. He told me i scared him. To which i replied "You are not the first Falcon model i have scared". I think Roman Heart still likes to go around telling people the story of where he thought i was going to kill him. Everyone gets one, and most of the time they are really fun to tell your friends when it over, you just have to survive them.
This night i tried to get back into my G state of mind but just like a bad night of drinking to much of a certain alcohol, the taste made me sick. So instead i turned my attention to coke. She took care of me. Ambien put me to sleep.
Sunday and Bump woke me up.
It was time for the parade. Thank god i wasn't in it this year. I just wanted to be able to walk away from it when i had enough of it. But believe it or not, i had so much fun. I think its better to watch then to have to be the one trying to please the viewers. Even though i was not in the mood to be Erik Rhodes today it was unavoidable. Just walking through the crowd i was asked to take endless pictures. Each one as much as i really wasn't in the mood to do, I put my signature half ass smile on and and tried to please everyone as much as it didn't please me. My friend even said to me, "i don't know how you do it, don't you ever just wanna scream leave me alone". And i do, but i figure, what if i was the fan and all i wanted was a picture, and the person says NO for whatever reason... your whole image of that person would change. I think i am way to over hated as is to turn down anyone, I'm not better than anyone, fuck I'm so happy that anyone wants my picture to begin with. Still G and a couple bumps got me threw it alittle easier.
From the parade a couple friends and i went to the pier Dance. This being my first time. I would have to admit that i was in awe of all the beautiful men. So i really let loose. I actually fucking danced. Well, not really, more like a 2 step/ muscle shuffle. I hung out with the hottest of the hot and made out with enough beautiful guys that a normal person would have had his fill for over a year. And when the night was coming to an end, i think god said, you deserve this and gave me one of the prettiest guys i have been with in a long time, with a gifuckingnourmous cock to match. It was like god and i made a deal... if i didn't die before the weekend was out i was going to be blessed with an incredible hot guy to end my weekend with. Well thank you fucking Jebus.
All in all it was a good time.
But yes.... here we go...
I do have a problem. I have a problem with drugs and i am addicted to sex. I need to slow down. I would never want to date a guy like me, a guy like i was over this weekend. Guys like me make me sick. Funny right?
I don't like myself and I'm not sure what its gonna take to change. I wanna say i wish i had someone in my life that could straighten me out, but what the fuck am i offering? "Hey date me please, I will ruin your life!". Something will wake me up... I'm sure...
I'm sure.
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