My Gay Pride part 1 and part 2.

I'm so sick and tired of censoring myself to please the readers of this blog, So fuck it I'm just not anymore.

My Gay Pride.

I really went out of my way this year.

I started the week off hanging out with a couple good friends at B-Bar on Tuesday night. I'm not normally they type of guy who hangs out during the week but my friend Derrek persuaded me. Well it wasn't that hard. It being Gay pride in NYC i knew that there would be tons of hot out of townees looking for a good time, well fuck it, i wanted to be that good time.
Anyways, of course i was taking G, my favorite current crutch and it seemed the more i got fucked up the more guys wanted to hook up with me. At one point when i felt like i was going to pass out, i went to rest on a wall outside. I chose a spot right next to a really hot guy, who just by chance felt like he was in the mood to suck a really fucked up guys dick. Well i was in no condition to say No. I stumbled into the bathroom with him and went to work on his face. He was the first of three guys to blow me in the bathroom that night. Until my friend showed up...
I call him "Cock Block Extraordinaire". As soon as he shows up and starts hanging around me is as soon as no one comes near me. I didn't realize this until this weekend. I'm not sure if it is his over the top personality or if people think we are going out but all i know is that i more than likely could have gotten 10 hot out of towners to blow me in the bathroom if he hadn't shown up. Well, you could imagine i chose not to call this friend to hang out with me the rest of the weekend.

Thursday night. I went to a friends party at Universal Gear. Universal Gear is this clothing store that is in the heart of Chelsea. Even though the store Carries the same Diesel and G-Star cloths as any of the major retailers i would never shop there because of the location. It makes the cloths seem to gay. Anyways, it was kinda lame but kinda fun at the same time. I hung out with good friends who got drunk in the middle of the store as i personally felt like a drug addict since i was drinking my now famous "G-tini" in the middle of a clothing store party, a fucking clothing store party!!! Pretty Pathetic.
After the party was over i spent the rest of the night waiting for a dealer to drop off some coke so that i had some more drugs for the rest of the long weekend. yeah yeah yeah, judge me all you want.
I guess the highlight of the night was running into my crush from LA that was here for pride. He always seems happy to see me, yet, i don't think he really gives a shit about me. I guess that's what i get for having a crush on a player.

Friday night. The Worst night of the weekend.
I started the night out by hanging at a friends house party. There i was extremely creeped out when one of the fucked up guests confessed to me that i broke his heart. He said that he and bumped into me on the street one day with my BF and from there became obsessed. He said that when he went home to where ever he lived that he told all his friends about me and that he was in love. He said that since he never saw me again that he was heart broken, but he was happy that i was at this party and that it must be fate. I find it incredible that someone who seemed pretty normal could make up such a sick obsession and fantasy world in there head. I made my friends keep him away from me the rest of the night. I did more g and forgot we even had the conversation, hopefully he doesnt kill himself.
My other highlight from that night before it all went downhill was my friend who was throwing the house party coming over to me and saying "I hate most of these fags from our gym, what are they doing in my home". To which i laugh pretty hard about and told him i hate most of them also. We both decided the only thing we could do was go to the bathroom and snort some more Jesus. I was calling it jesus since i think everytime i came out of the bathroom i would get a look from the guests " like what are you doing in there". I said told them "i'm sorry i took so long, i was reading the bible while i was taking shit" Me and Jesus were best friends that night. Well at least before he dissapeared.
From the house party we went to NYC's biggest tourist trap club called Splash. This is where the night goes wrong. I don't remember much except seeing my crush again who seemed completely uninterested in me and doing alot of G because if it.
Fast forward to waking up in the clubs office by one of the bouncers throwing a cup of cold water in my face. Apparently i passed out in one of the bathroom stales and was found by Falcon model TJ Hawke, who i threw up on before the bouncers dragged me into the office. The bouncers helped me outside and got me into a cab.
Fast Forward to waking up in my bed with my ex bf yelling at me that he was calling the cops if i didn't get out of bed and go to the hospital. I have no clue how he was in my apartment but he, my neighbor from my building, his girl friend along with one of my friends were all arguing about what to do with me. I was in shock with all of this going on around me. Next thing i know, there is 4 cops in my apartment questioning me. All i remember is them asking me "what is today's date" and i thought to myself... "Jesus, i don't know what the date is normally, what the fuck make you think I'm gonna know what day it is now" I responded "i have no clue." Then we had to wait for paramedics to get there to evaluate me.
When they got there they seemed annoyed i wasn't passed out on the floor, foaming at the mouth. I explained the situation and the guy didn't answer me and just left my apartment. I felt like screaming at him saying "motherfucker, I'm not the one wasting your time, i didn't want you here, i wish i was sleeping also".
It was a fucking circus.
All i could think is that if i died this night it would have been perfect. I had no clue what was going on. Who wants to stare a gun right in the face? Its much easier if you turn off the light and you dont see it coming. It would have felt like i was just going to sleep.

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Part 2


Saturday
I woke up feeling like shit. It honestly all felt like a dream.
It took awhile for me to get myself moving again, but i was back at the gym later that day. Since it was gay pride and David Barton is like a gay night club during the day it was like my night never ended. With all the shameless tourists in town, I must have given my number out to at least 6 guys which is a personal all time high. I thought to myself, its amazing so many people want my numbers when i feel and think, i look like a G'ed out mess. I guess i do a better job playing it off than i think.
Later that night, i had to work the Manhunt party that was at HK Lounge. I was asked to do it last minute and basically had to stand around and sign autographs for people that i think felt bad for me more than actually caring about a getting a signed pic from me. Maybe they did? I still cant grasp the concept of collecting porn star autographs. I don't have any talent... i just fuck in front of a camera... whatever.
Anyways, i hung out with Steve Cruz and Falcon Model TJ Hawke. TJ who was with me the night before helped me recount some what happened. He told me i scared him. To which i replied "You are not the first Falcon model i have scared". I think Roman Heart still likes to go around telling people the story of where he thought i was going to kill him. Everyone gets one, and most of the time they are really fun to tell your friends when it over, you just have to survive them.
This night i tried to get back into my G state of mind but just like a bad night of drinking to much of a certain alcohol, the taste made me sick. So instead i turned my attention to coke. She took care of me. Ambien put me to sleep.


Sunday and Bump woke me up.
It was time for the parade. Thank god i wasn't in it this year. I just wanted to be able to walk away from it when i had enough of it. But believe it or not, i had so much fun. I think its better to watch then to have to be the one trying to please the viewers. Even though i was not in the mood to be Erik Rhodes today it was unavoidable. Just walking through the crowd i was asked to take endless pictures. Each one as much as i really wasn't in the mood to do, I put my signature half ass smile on and and tried to please everyone as much as it didn't please me. My friend even said to me, "i don't know how you do it, don't you ever just wanna scream leave me alone". And i do, but i figure, what if i was the fan and all i wanted was a picture, and the person says NO for whatever reason... your whole image of that person would change. I think i am way to over hated as is to turn down anyone, I'm not better than anyone, fuck I'm so happy that anyone wants my picture to begin with. Still G and a couple bumps got me threw it alittle easier.
From the parade a couple friends and i went to the pier Dance. This being my first time. I would have to admit that i was in awe of all the beautiful men. So i really let loose. I actually fucking danced. Well, not really, more like a 2 step/ muscle shuffle. I hung out with the hottest of the hot and made out with enough beautiful guys that a normal person would have had his fill for over a year. And when the night was coming to an end, i think god said, you deserve this and gave me one of the prettiest guys i have been with in a long time, with a gifuckingnourmous cock to match. It was like god and i made a deal... if i didn't die before the weekend was out i was going to be blessed with an incredible hot guy to end my weekend with. Well thank you fucking Jebus.

All in all it was a good time.

But yes.... here we go...

I do have a problem. I have a problem with drugs and i am addicted to sex. I need to slow down. I would never want to date a guy like me, a guy like i was over this weekend. Guys like me make me sick. Funny right?
I don't like myself and I'm not sure what its gonna take to change. I wanna say i wish i had someone in my life that could straighten me out, but what the fuck am i offering? "Hey date me please, I will ruin your life!". Something will wake me up... I'm sure...

I'm sure.