"AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem" review

AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)

Directors:Colin Strause Greg Strause
Writers: Shane Salerno Dan O'Bannon

Steven Pasquale... Dallas Howard
Reiko Aylesworth... Kelly O'Brien
John Ortiz... Sheriff Eddie Morales
Johnny Lewis... Ricky Howard
Ariel Gade... Molly O'Brien
Kristen Hager... Jesse
Sam Trammell... Tim O'Brien
Tom Woodruff Jr.... Alien / Predalien
Ian Whyte... Predator
Chelah Horsdal... Darcy Benson

After watching "Aliens vs. Predator - Requiem" I was left with a disturbing question rattling around my brain. It's something I would have never thought possible but after seeing two "AvP" movies I'm forced to ask it: Is having Aliens do battle with Predators a bad idea for a movie? It saddens me that I have to think that but the filmmakers have shown us that they really don't know what to do with these two monster icons except put them through the paces of another generic B-movie.

So aliens land on Earth and proceed to kill people. A Predator back at home base starts noticing the carnage and gets jealous. He decides to take the scenic route to Earth so that the viewers can get treated to a parade of the most mind numbingly banal characters to ever grace a monster movie. By the time the Predator showed up, I couldn't wait for these worthless jerks to get ripped to shreds. After much debate on how to ruin the movie further, the filmmakers decided to pack a lot of the action in dark, rainy spots just to make sure that you don't actually see anything. The final Alien vs Predator smack down ends in a blur of tight close ups to keep the action from getting too exciting.

"AvPR" is a pretty forgettable experience. I know this because I watched it and I can barely remember it. There were some bloody spots in a hospital as the Predator/Alien hybrid wants to go to town on some pregnant women and another scene where a young boy gets the facehugger alien treatment. So that's good. But "AvPR" ends up being a fairly depressing experience. If you have any love for "Aliens" or "Predator", you'll inevitably be let down by this unimaginative waste of time. "AvPR" runs through the B-movie playbook and delivers some blood and guts but fails to bring anything original or exciting to these two movie monster legends.

However, I'm not convinced that Aliens fighting Predators is a bad idea for a movie. What's my idea you say? Glad you asked! If you were going to do this kind of insanity, you'd have to go all the way. Since no one cares about the humans in these movies, toss them overboard. Have Aliens fighting Predators be the whole movie. I'm talking subtitles on the Predators as they discuss strategy for blasting Aliens into little pieces. Let "Apocalypto" show us the way. You don't need the same boring characters infesting every stinking horror/action movie. Let the monsters be the star and it can't lose!

The other "AvP" idea would be to go completely hog wild and have it be an insane action movie for those who can't get enough of watching an action hero blast his way through piles of alien guts. Send in a Chuck Norris clone to lay waste to the entire Predator planet and have him get caught up in their war. Either way, the movie should be set in outer space with alien body parts flying in all directions.

But since no one seems to care about these two monsters I suspect we may have seen the last of them for awhile. I will keep hoping that someday they get the monster movie treatment they deserve. "AvPR" wasn't it.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 dark and stormy monsters