"The Pumpkin Karver" review

The Pumpkin Karver (2006)

Directed by Robert Mann
Writing credits Robert Mann Sheldon Silverstein

Amy Weber .... Lynn Starks
Michael Zara .... Jonathan Starks
Minka Kelly .... Tammy
Terrence Evans .... Ben Wickets
Misty Adams .... Yolanda
Briana Gerber .... Vicki
Charity Shea .... Rachel

A bunch of teens hold a party in a pumpkin patch. You know what happens when teens get together in bunches. It’s carving time. A brother and sister show up at the party to forget about that little fatal incident that happened last Halloween. This pumpkin party will put their minds at ease. The brother starts going insane as he realizes he was born to be a carver. All these dang pumpkins aren’t helping him keep his sanity either. Many teens will pay for inviting this pumpkin freak to the party.

“Pumpkin Karver” is a standard B-flick. Nothing exciting or interesting happens in it. Teens, party, killer, blah, blah, blah. Usually this formula would provide me with the slasher movie entertainment I enjoy but “Pumpkin Karver” forgot to pump up the all important exploitation elements that a B-movie needs to be worth anything. I am of course referring to the foundations of B-cinema, sex and violence.

There’s no nudity in “Pumpkin Karver”. Drunken teens at a slasher movie party always need to be horny teens. Never forget that. They even had three girls dress up as Charlie’s Angels but no nudity. One scene had the sexiest girl teasing a dork but she wouldn’t flash her angels. There were a lot of other hot girls in this one but no skin in the pumpkin patch. Tragic.

The kills in “Pumpkin Karver” are weak. The movie grinds on with some ludicrous budding love story while the viewer waits impatiently for a madman with a pumpkin on his head to appear. The killer doesn’t even show himself until an hour has dragged by. When he finally showed himself, I had gotten fed up with his incompetent slashing skills and needed the movie to end.

The only good thing to say about “Pumpkin Karver” is that it had some nice gore at the end when you finally get to see why they bothered calling this movie “Pumpkin Karver”. The teens get permanent smiles thanks to the carver. But the movie is so bland for a slasher flick that it’s not worth sitting through to see it. “Pumpkin Karver” won’t hurt you if you decide to watch it but it sure won’t thrill you much either. It can be skipped.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 dead pumpkins