I Love You.
I really didn't even see it coming. All i could think is "God, i don't think i have treated you anywhere good enough to deserve an I love you, already". But it felt really good.
I had caught myself from saying it acouple times. I felt like i didn't want to be the one to say it first and scare the other person away. I guess i just wanted to know he felt it to. I kept having a daydream of saying i love you and him turning to me and saying back "your a porn star, I'll never honestly love you".
It was something i was just starting to accept along with the fact that dating anyone good looking from Staten Island works those jealous fucks into a frenzy. Honestly the start of this relationship has shown me a new low for faggots as a whole.
How does dating a porn star make someone a whore? I don't understand it but that's all that this poor guy is hearing. Or is it maybe he got something you want? Possibly i got something you want? Either way does that deserve the label of being a whore? Why not just say... "I'm a stupid jealous fuck and i hope your relationship fails", i can understand that.
anyways...
But yeah, I love you changes alot. I'm trying to not be so jealous myself. If someone is willing to love me, and mean it and there shouldn't be jealousies behind that. There should be honesty and faith which are not 2 of my best traits but I'm taking it all day by day, and working my best at being as good as i can be to this guy. You know and if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, i just want a guy for once to look back and say "he was an amazing bf, it just didn't work". I'm tired of being a horror story in these peoples lives.
So from here on until this ends, i pledge my protection, my devotion and all of my heart. I love you, Anthony. ~ xoxo Your big bear.
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