They're All Gonna Laugh @ You

Back on track...


So again, i'm sorry to leave everyone hanging, but i have just been keeping myself busy, doing absolutely nothing important.
To be honest, i tried to write something over this weekend but my brain was way to fried to do anything. It was my best friends 30th b-day so this whole weekend i was trainwreck. I think both nights i went out, i made an ass out of myself. You know its already bad enough that where ever i go, i stick out like a sore thumb, but then to stick out while stumbling all over the club or to be sitting in the corner of the place drooling on myself. I think i intentionally set out to make myself look like a pure fuck up. Almost every weekend, i question my reasoning of even going out. I tell myself, "Maybe you'll meet someone, but you know your gonna get way to fucked up to even talk with anyone,so why go?" I end up going out anyway, and the end result is always the same. I get nothing out of it. I just end up getting hit on by disgusting super fans or the scumbags that seek out the most fucked up guy in the club in hope that he will be an easy lay.
And then when i'm not that fucked up i'm told that i have an ego, that i think i'm better than everyone... funniest thing is that i don't, i'm just trying my best to fit in. Why do you think i need the drugs? It hopefully so i can relax and not be the social retard that i am normally.
Fuck it, I'm sure i'll figure it all out soon enough.

Anyway this weekend took forever because i was really waiting for today. I am supposed to hangout with this guy again (the toes curling sex guy from the previous blog) and i'm really excited. I don't have to get high or pretend around him and i feel totally comfortable. The last time we hung out, i just held him as we watched TV and i couldnt have been happier. I didn't want him to leave. You know, i'd give up every single shitty weekend just to have more boring yet happy nights like that in my life.
I sure he might actually get bored to tears tonight cuz i dont have much planned with him tonight beyond cuddling with him and trying to learn everything i can about him. To be honest i don't even know how the guy feels, and what his intentions are with me, but i hoping that they are similar mine... just taking it slow and enjoying the possibility of things going in a better direction.
Well, he just sent me a text mesaage saying how excited he is to hang out with me, the smile on my face is from ear to ear.