No surprises here....

I lost... again.


Apprently each year i do porn i'm just good enough to be nominnated but not great enough to win myself an award. O and 9 now. I'm not surprised. I did alot better holding in my extreme fustration in losing this year, so i do give myself some credit. Yes i am a sore loser, but i just whored it up and drank away the feelings. Should have gone as far as getting blowjob right there in the front row during the ceremony? Maybe not, but when someone as hot as the guy going it, is doing it, well... i just dont have that type of control.
Apart from losing my awards, i did have a pretty amazing night. I'm not sure how i determine what makes an amazing night? But i guess i'm equating my night the amount of gorgeous guys i got to hook up with. I know that i was basically doing it to make myself feel better, but fuck it. it was totally worth it and justified in my eyes. When else do i get to play around with the guys from other studios?
Which leads me to "The Pretty Russian". I woke up this morning, cuddling with one of the cutest guys i have come across in a long time. I stared at him while he slept. There was something about the hair on his stomach that made me think, "Jesus, this is why i love being gay, this is why i love men, this makes me happy". I laid my head on chest and went back to bed with a smile on my face dispite my vicious hangover.

I'm just happy this weekend is over. It was just to much socializing for my taste. To many "are you alright's" to make anyone crazy. I'm sitting in my hotel room now, alone and i'm trying my best to not get back into the depression that i did so well avoiding this whole weekend. I also have had way to much sex to get my head off things by spending my time with another trick. This honestly sucks, and i dont know what else to do with myself. Maybe i'll go on another pathetic solo mission to the movies.... anything to not have to dwell in my thoughts. Anything to distract myself from overthinking.

One last thing...
This blog is not a fake or a pr stunt. Shit, i dont think any studio would ever say.... "yes Erik, please blog about how miserable you are. Thats a great way to get attention". I'm sure my company, bites its nails everytime i write a new blog, i'm sure they are afraid what i'm gonna say next. All i can say is sorry. I will not censor myself to please anyone. Once i do that, then this blog will not be mine anymore.